Farmer’s marketand a bunch of other stuff, then I have to go shopping for clothes, something I detest more than root canals. At any rate, TattooSydney sent this along- a little story he wrote:
The fat man, the fat cat and the barky dog.
There once was a fat man, who lived with a fat cat and a barky dog.
Well, the man said he was fat, and because many of the man’s friends had never seen him, they all had to take him at his word about that (and about the naked mopping).
They had seen photos of the cat. It was indeed fat – a big white ball with orange ears, an orange tail and an appetite. It had a special talent for contemptuous glances.
They had seen photos of the dog. It was indeed barky – a sweet and tiny orange thing, perched on the edge of the couch to repel any bird who came near. It had a special talent for barking.
The fat cat and the barky dog weren’t sure what the fat man’s special talent was. He spent a lot of time staring out the window. It was true they all – man, cat, dog – spent a lot of time staring out the window. There were all sorts of exciting things out the window to bark at, or to subject to a disdainful sneer.
However, the cat and the dog did feel that the man was wasting a lot of time, which he could use for, respectively, feeding and walking them, just staring out the window.
Humans were strange.
Although I guess now it is barky dogs.
SiubhanDuinne
TattooSydney is *GENIUS*!
I love the drawing, too. Any chance of PhotoShopping in the new barky dog, to keep things current?
SIA
@SiubhanDuinne: I agree! TattooSydney, this is lovely! I’m serious, there is something very compelling about the story and the drawing. I’m eagerly awaiting the next installment. This needs to become a weekly post.
SGEW
This is a fine example of why I always read this blog, and am still lurking in comments. Y’all are the best, really.
Cat Lady
Here in
SodomMassachusetts we’re having a stretch of beautiful weather to enjoy. I’m not troubling my beautiful mind today with politics. I went to the Lilith Fair last night (husband bought the tix cuz he loves Cat Power), and realized that I need my gaydar (is that the right term for women?) recalibrated. There were a lot of these. And this act rocked hard.SiubhanDuinne
Oh, and John? Remember what happened last time you went shopping? I suggest you steel your heart and just *drive on by* if you see any lost forlorn animals in the middle of the road. That, or be prepared to spend all your discretionary income on pet food and vet bills for the rest of your life.
Athenae
Such an awesome story.
Re: clothes shopping, I hate it too, and I’m a girl, I’m supposed to love stuff like that. I spent an hour yesterday in Anthropologie trying on everything I’d been lusting after in the catalog, and deciding it was all weird or stupid or too expensive or made me look like a sausage.
And why, WHY, at a place that WANTS you to buy things, is there surgery-room lighting that makes everybody look like Soviet-era convicts? WTF? There should be Barbara Walters-style lighting and soft soothing music, if they want you to think you look good in their stuff.
A.
Svensker
@Athenae:
A-frigging-men. I visited the Queen Mary cruise ship once when it was dry docked in California (maybe it still is?) — and the thing I loved was that all the mirrors were very slightly tinted rosy peach so that the women would ALWAYS look good, whether they were under the weather, sea sick or just tired. It was brilliant.
Why can’t fitting rooms do that? ! ?
Phyllis
@SiubhanDuinne: How is Charleston? Beside’s hotter’n hell wif de blowers on. I was down there Thursday & had lunch with a friend at Fleet Landing. Great place.
Incertus (Brian)
I went clothes shopping yesterday and got some deals on shirts because it’s apparently the end of the season. That’s the extent of my commentary on it.
SIA
Speaking of shopping, why would you go out to stores to shop? I despise trying on clothes and ambling through malls. That’s what The Gap, Banana Republic, Old Navy, LL Bean et al are for – on line shopping.
Svensker
LOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEE the TattooSydney story/drawings. More, please.
mr. whipple
Well done!!!
demo woman
Wonder what the web site I write like would say? Great story and I can’t wait until the next installment. Where’s the picture of the shower and the mop?
Omnes Omnibus
@demo woman:
Hopefully nonexistent. The story and picture are great, but a sequel with naked mopping … ? Just no.
PurpleGirl
TattooSydney: The cartoon is charming and the story made me laugh. Not a bad way to start the day, I think. Thank you. And agreeing with a number of other people… more please.
w3ski
About Tunch, I haven’t been a reader for long so I am not sure if you already know, but I too have a cat like him and with similar markings.
My girl is part “Turkish Van” and mixed with some long haired breed, but the markings are unmistakable.
The attitude as well.
If you don’t already know about Turkish Vans I suggest you google them.
A realy interesting breed of cat.
w3ski
Matt
Stupid question about the story: Is the “window” a computer screen from the pets’ perspective, or should I just read it literally?
Violet
What an awesome drawing! Love the story. Genius. Definitely concur that it should be an ongoing series.
QuaintIrene
If you decide to publish, can I be the illustrator?
Yes, that drawing is sweet, but we have to consider the marketplace. ;-)
Gina
I did a Google Image search for John Cole, blogger and this is what came up
eemom
A splendid start to the morning! Thank you, TTS. Can’t wait to see what happens in Chapter 2.
Excellent point about the light in fitting rooms. Ugh. One of those mirrors that makes people’s asses look smaller wouldn’t hurt either.
eemom
@Gina:
lolz!
The fact that Sully is on there, also too.
Roger Moore
@Athenae:
Maybe they’re trying to avoid returns from people who think they look great in the clothes in the store but awful when they wear them anywhere else. If they make you look bad in the store but the clothes still look good, they know you’ll be happy when you wear them in the real world.
R-Jud
I just took Mr Jud clothes shopping. Like grocery shopping, go with a list. Use a tape measure to check your size, browse a few places online first, and then plan to hit only those stores that seem to have what’s on your list. Two hours total, we had everything we wanted (plus some stuff for kidlet).
And we’ve just learned the Pope is going to be in the park 400m from our house in September to say mass and beatify Cardinal Newman. They estimate anywhere from 65,000-100,000 people, plus police, security, and an “exclusion zone” for cars that will probably include our street.
I am thinking we will be planning a long weekend away. Just hope the house isn’t ransacked by marauding Catholic pilgrims.
mai naem
I thought the picture would be a of a nekkid man with a mop in hand. Also too, does anybody really care about Chelsea Clinton’s wedding? A hedge fund employee ex president’s daughter marrying a Goldman Sachs’ banker is considered a royal wedding?
Nom de Plume
all the mirrors were very slightly tinted rosy peach so that the women would ALWAYS look good
Ever notice about hotel room mirrors? They’re all slightly distorted, like funhouse mirrors, to make you look skinny.
CynDee
@SiubhanDuinne:
“be prepared to spend
all your discretionary incomeevery last dime on pet food and vet bills for the rest of your life.”Fixed.
demo woman
@mai naem: I agree with that sentiment. I’m disappointed though, that we might not see a real American wedding. According to gossip sites, Bristol and Levi might not wed.
Gina
My biggest shopping issue is that I can’t find the styles I like in a size that fits me. I’ve looked up Christina Hendrick’s style info, but so far the pieces that were mentioned don’t come in anything larger than a 38″ bust…um, that’s not really going to work. Maybe when I was 16, but not NOW. I can’t imagine it works for her, really, either – it was from a Marie Claire article, so whatever.
All the really nice styles seem to still go only to about a 10/12, and here I am, a tall 16/18. Maybe I should just learn to sew…I did attend FIT in NYC, but for jewelry design, OOOPS!
Gravenstone
When you get down to it, are we not all simply barky dogs in Cole’s world? Granted, nowhere near as charming or faithful as Lily.
R-Jud
@Gina:
I am increasingly convinced that this is the only way to go, fellow tall lady.
CynDee
@Gina: He’s the one holding the baby dinosaur.
OW! Who threw that??
Gina
@R-Jud: Or, we can find out where the Valkyries shop. With home sewing, I just know the learning curve will have things that look like FLDS-cultwear at first. Maybe I can find a tailor…
tim
Stupid.
And somewhat stalkerish.
WereBear
I hate clothes shopping, and it doesn’t help that sizing is now a guessing game. Oooh, which line is in denial this year, and which one is getting all European on me, and which one just stuck the tags on regardless of what size it was cut for?
Since I’m not even a friend of fashion, much less a slave, I do almost everything online. I go to stores I know or who take the trouble to post what sizes fit which measurements. They all have a sensible return policy.
I can do a lot of my weeding out in the comfort of my own home, both at the shopping bag stage and the “it arrived” stage. For instance, I’m now dead against anything with “coral” in the name, regardless of the picture, because it all arrives as a traffic cone orange.
Ash Can
That story is absolutely adorable. And seriously, TattooSydney shows solid talent for writing children’s stories here. Having read many a story like this aloud over the recent years, I’ve developed an appreciation for good children’s writing, and TTS has what it takes.
And John’s going shopping? Uh-oh. I’m with SiubhanDuinne. I look forward to seeing the photos later today of some momma cat with her mob of kittens that John found in the woods.
asdf
Just back from the Farmer’s Market.
http://tinyurl.com/29czo36
The real jewel there is the cantaloupe.
South of I-10
Great story TS. I attempted to go clothes shopping yesterday, and as usual, I left with nothing, but Little South got some stuff. My problem is that I am quickly approaching 40, and everything seems to be either for a stick sized teenager or for someone much older. Very annoying. I used to love JJill, but after Talbot’s bought them, everything seems to be bland colors and shapeless.
I’m about to take a gaggle of little girls to get “makeovers”. They fix their hair and paint their nails and they think it is the most awesome thing ever. I see Advil and a margarita in my future.
valdivia
@Gina:
being very tall myself I can understand exactly how you feel. Do try Gap and Banana Republic which now make everything in tall sizes (skirts, dresses, jeans, etc). Also if you shop online you will see that almost everything they make they offer in sizes that are bigger than 10.
ETA: I would highly recommend their Forever Skinny Jeans which are not so low on the hips, fit really really well and are the perfect length. Even on my 6 foot frame.
Also: love the drawing and story way to go TS.
Kristine
@SIA: True, says she who buys almost all her clothes online. But different stores size their lady clothes differently, and you don’t know how differently unless you have 1) worked things out through multiple buys/returns or 2) tried on their clothes in a store.
Comrade Mary
Oh, the story and the drawing are absolutely gorgeous! The Tunch expression and tail are great, Lily looks like herself, and John looks vaguely perplexed, yet hopeful.
And I don’t know why, but I especially love the lettering at the left. It just fits.
Kristine
@Ash Can:
I’m waiting for something new to be added to the menagerie. Like a horse, or a baby donkey.
Comrade Mary
Speaking of appliances: A Most Heinous Case of Washing Machine Murder.
(Sadly, it was not the only victim. Not Safe For Gardeners.)
Kristine
@Gina: Hey, I did spot some photos of Tunch and Lily in that mix. So, could one of the photos actually be of John?
Svensker
@valdivia:
May I also recommend Eddie Bauer to the tallistas. They understand that “tall” doesn’t just mean longer legs.
Comrade Mary
@Kristine: OMG! I went back and looked and found a picture of my last cat Fergus. Damn, he was one sweet, weird cat.
And is it just me, or is the new Google image page wonderfully trippy?
AhabTRuler
It’s been a while since we have checked in on Henri & Momo. The latter has found a new place to hang out, while the former has spent the morning playing fetch with his favorite biodegradable toy.
Omnes Omnibus
@tim: You seem to be an unpleasant person. Go away.
schrodinger's cat
I have the opposite problem of all you tall ladies, I am petite, and shopping is not much fun for me either, especially pants.
AhabTRuler
@Omnes Omnibus: No, he merely lacks a fundamental understanding of what “stalking” means.
Probably a little weak on “community,” too.
Comrade Mary
I’m 5’1″ with legs in proportion to my height, and I find that petite pants at Canadian mass market stores like Cotton Ginny and Marks’ Work Wearhouse actually fit me decently without hemming.
But it’s tough to find fitted dresses that stop appropriately at my waist, and don’t get me started on the trippable long summer dresses.
Felanius Kootea (formerly Salt and freshly ground black people)
TattooSydney – that made me laugh. Got to fit Rosie in though.
schrodinger's cat
@Comrade Mary: I am 5′ 3″, sometime petites can be too short and regular sizes are too long! Have you tried H and M’s?
eemom
@mai naem:
oh my effin Gawd, Chelsea Clinton’s wedding is THE ENTIRE FRONT PAGE of the WaPo this morning. I almost threw up.
The good news is, I have taken the First Step in breaking my addiction to the rag. Stopped paying the subscription fee. Now I will just wait to see how long it takes to stop showing up in my driveway.
Comrade Mary
@schrodinger’s cat: I’ve browsed through one of the downtown stores a few times, but the stock I’ve seen has been pretty trendy/young or just plain cheap. I know it changes very quickly, so I can always look again.
I think I’m just going to haul out the old sewing machine and will start making my own dresses again. If I could sew cotehardies and Italian Ren when I was in university, I should be able to manage a reasonable fitted dress, too. I can’t imagine making my own pants yet, but dresses are pretty easy. Plus, you get to choose exactly the fabric you want, and not whatever someone has decided you’re stuck with.
Omnes Omnibus
@Comrade Mary: For the less than tall people, you should consider Ann Taylor. My wife who is 5’1″ finds that their Petites fit her perfectly.
valdivia
@Svensker:
thanks for the tip. now that I have found jeans that actually fit me, whenever I get it into my head to get adventurous and try something new everything ends up fitting like cropped pants. I am not very big on designer jeans anyway but I would like to at least own one or two. But given their standard and only length seems to be 32 inches it ain’t gonna happen. So Gap it is for me. Though I did find that some of the really skinny jeans are made really long so if I can find one of those pairs in other brands I am all set. This happened to me with Levis which was a surprise and also with Joes Jeans.
Ok shutting up about the tall issue now.
Gina
@Kristine: That’s what I was wondering. Though some of the possibilities that show a “fat man” are pretty upsetting.
Comrade Mary
@Omnes Omnibus: No Ann Taylor in Canada, alas, but thanks for the pointer. There are some seriously beautiful dresses here, so maybe online ordering would work. I’m just not a standard size, though, which makes buying clothes online a real gamble, even with a decent return policy.
But OTOH, I can look for similar patterns to sew from …
Mnemosyne
I’m getting ready to throw some clothes on and ride up to the farmer’s market. Maybe I’ll be able to find the top plate of my car’s bike rack that I stupidly didn’t fasten down and lost when I drove off. Feh.
I’m 5′ 2-1/2″ and the “ankle” or “short” pants at Old Navy and Gap usually fit me pretty well. But I also have no hips (relatively speaking — I’m shaped like an upside-down triangle) so my Best Shopping Day Ever was when I discovered low-rise pants meant that I didn’t have to be squeezed in the middle and have huge amounts of fabric floating around my hips and thighs.
Kristine
@Gina: One has to take care how one words one’s Google searches, because that which is seen cannot be unseen.
Elizabelle
Love the story and illustration. More please.
Agree about us (and others) being barky in Cole’s world, but too many people do not rise to the generous nature and compassion of dogs.
licensed to kill time
Now that is a wonderful story by TattooSydney.
However, I have it on good authority (a comment on this very blog!) that the Fat Man is, in fact, cuddly. So I propose the title:
The Cuddly Curmudgeon, The Cranky Cat, and Two Barking Bitches.
That is all.
Josie
@South of I-10: I did not know that Talbot’s bought JJill. That explains why I can’t find anything I want in their catalog any more. All the pants, jeans included, come only in hip hugger style, which I hate. I like them to fit just a tad below the waist and don’t where to shop for jeans anymore. It’s amazing the information that is available on this blog, and now we have wonderful illustrated stories! Love this place.
Just Some Fuckhead
@licensed to kill time: I think you could shorten it to Three bitches and a cat.
licensed to kill time
@Just Some Fuckhead: Oooh, Meeeeeoooow!
Kristine
@Josie: I didn’t know Talbot’s bought JJill either. I don’t mind hip hugger styles, though, because while I’m 5’7″, I’ve got a short body–hip huggers hit me below the waist. Below the waist styles hit me at the waist or slightly above, and those damned high-waisted styles that seem to be coming back deargawdwhy????? overlap my bra. Trousers, they are a challenge. I should give Eddie Bauer a try now that they carry all sorts of styles/cuts.
steve
has anybody here had bad insomnia, and fixed it? would appreciate advice.
tim
@Omnes Omnibus:
People who speak the truth are often reviled as unpleasant. I welcome your hatred, sycophant. Carry on…
Corner Stone
@Kristine:
Dear God no. Please. I’ll do anything. Just make it stop.
fitzwili
@ mai naem
I think it might just be a different demographic that those who hang here. My mom is absolutely transfixed because she has ALWAYS had a soft spot in her heart for Chelsea Clinton- I remember her getting extremely riled when someone would make fun of Chelsea’s looks when she was an kid in the White House, going through her awkward years. It probably comes from the fact that I had some extremely awkward years in highschool myself and my mom flares up at anyone picking on someone else for their looks. I think she views it as a morality play in which her side has emerged triumphant!!
valdivia
@steve:
I did not but have lived with people who had. I would really really recommend seeing a dr. since this can be caused by many things that can only be fixed with professional medical advice.
First off I would recommend NOT taking tylenol pm or medications that make you drowsy to fix it. This makes things worse. If you want to get on medication take the real thing (ie get a prescription from your dr for a real sleeping pill that fits your life). Also: no reading or tv watching in bed, they call this sleep hygiene. Make the bed the place you sleep in only that seems to help.
Last but not least, there are different types of insomnia: can’t fall asleep at all or the kind that simply wakes you up at 2 am and never lets you fall back asleep. These are treated differently.
hope it helps.
Svensker
@steve:
My condolences. The problem with insomnia, as you know, is that it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. My first advice, assuming you have done all “regularize your hours, don’t exercise before bed, don’t drink, etc. etc.” stuff is try drugs. Seriously. Prescription Ambien or just a relaxer like Xanax if you have a doctor who will help), or benadryl if you don’t (assuming you have no other issues, yada yada yada). If you try the drugs, use the smallest dosage that will work (sometimes a half pill will do the trick) — do this for a short while so your body gets used to the idea of sleeping again. (The problem with not sleeping is that you get a build up of weird body chemicals which make it even harder to sleep, not to mention the mental habits that keep you awake.) In the meantime, try to exercise in the morning in natural sunlight and/or get as much natural sunlight in the morning as you can. I also recommend some biofeedback — learn to meditate and/or get a loop of theta-delta wave inducing recordings (we found some to download to an mp3 online as well as through the Discovery Institute) — they can get you into sleep almost immediately. Then a guided meditation program can help you learn to relax your body and get your mind out of alpha state.
Once you start learning to fall asleep again naturally, wean yourself off the drugs. They’re not good for you in the long term and you don’t get really deep sleep while you’re on them — but some sleep is better than none at some point!
The meditation thing takes a while to work (the theta-delta waves work almost immediately — it’s amazing) but it will help you through rough patches in the long term.
Good luck. Insomnia is miserable.
Josie
@Kristine: Thanks for the tip. I checked out the Eddie Bauer site and they do indeed have several styles that show promise, plus they have petite sizes. Yay!
Amir_Khalid
@tim: Just what truth are you speaking here?
@fitzwili: Chelsea Clinton looks like a perfectly attractive young woman — just one more thing John McCain is wrong about. (Remember his offensive joke about her paternity?)
I look forward to reading of the many things Tunch has trained his minion John Cole to do for him.
Kristine
@fitzwili: I admit that while I am not following the wedding, I don’t mind hearing about Chelsea. She seems to have done well personally and professionally, and I’m glad for her. I remember some of the darts that People Who Really Needed to Take a Good Look at Themselves in the Mirror used to fling at her. Living well is the best revenge.
debit
I also went to the Farmer’s Market and scored many tomatoes, some bread and some Yukon Golds.
An Amish stand had a green tomato variety called Grandma’s (something) that is just outstanding, and some Brandywines that are just luscious. Yes, I came home and gorged on tomatoes. Now to try that rosemary potato bread…
Kristine
@debit: ::envy:: I planted some Pink Brandywines. Still waiting for them to ripen. Blasted Zone 5 not until mid-August muttermutter. ::old woman yells at cloud::
Just Some Fuckhead
@steve: 5mgs of melatonin 30 minutes before bedtime.
elmo
Open thread, huh? Okay. I can’t quite believe I’m doing this, but I never have been able to turn away from the damn dogs.
Shameless, disgusting bleg: one of my foster Great Pyr puppies has had the most amazing series of medical catastrophes, and the sponsoring foster organization (Lonestar Pyrs and Paws North) is out of money to treat him. Right now he is in significant danger of losing a leg to a persistent infection; this comes after a serious course of hookworms, Kennel Cough From Hell, coccidia, and ehrlichiosis (a tick-borne disease). I think his immune system was so compromised by that series of problems that he is having trouble healing a persistent sore on his foot.
So. Right now the vet bill for him stands at over $700, which the foster org is trying to pay in small monthly installments. (I love my vet.) We’ve created a donation website here.
I know I’m violating all kinds of blog commenter etiquette, but I don’t care — I have to see this dog taken care of, and his sponsoring foster org needs help.
Thanks, all.
fitzwili
@ Amir_Khalid @ Kristine
I know and that’s why although normally I find fascination with celebrities’ weddings baffling -I do see why my mom is watching this.
Again it is the feeling that someone who was unfairly maligned gets to have her day in the sun.
My mom is very cute about it tho- I called earlier and she was wondering how a sheltered only child like Chelsea would deal with her husband being one of 11 children- she was imagining a very sitcommy Thanksgiving!
debit
@elmo: Elmo, check your link. It brings me to a page where I am encouraged to set up an event to collect for.
And don’t worry about asking for help. It’s cool.
You Don't Say
Wonderful story, wonderful writing. TattooSydney, I hope you’re working on a children story. Seriously.
debit
@Kristine: To be honest, I was somewhat bitter about having to buy tomatoes when I have a 4 plants in my backyard just bursting with fruit; all, however, still green. But this way I get to taste some new varieties, like the lemon boys I’m also eager to try.
You Don't Say
@elmo: Good luck with the dog.
elmo
Crap. The correct link for the ChipIn page is here. Sorry, all.
Debit, thanks for the headsup. Jeesh.
burnspbesq
This didn’t get my Saturday off to a rollicking start.
http://my.earthlink.net/article/top?guid=20100731/260f5fa3-661c-4858-814e-4bfdbde72d65
C’mon, y’all, just NUT UP AND HOLD THE FUCKING TRIAL. What are you afraid of?
kdaug
@Kristine: This.
Corner Stone
What the fuck is this?
‘As long as is necessary’ terror bill
Jules
I hate shopping for clothes.
I love shopping online for clothes.
Joseph Nobles
@R-Jud: You could stay and charge $40 for a plenary indulgence to park in your yard.
robertdsc-PowerBook & 27 titles
Love the illustration. Thanks, TS. :)
FlipYrWhig
@tim:
So are douchebags.
debit
@elmo: No problem. Who wouldn’t want to help this sweet puppy? He really is a handsome fellow.
Chyron HR
@Amir_Khalid:
That he’s “stupid and somewhat stalkerish”? Can anyone here honestly disagree?
Gina
@steve: Which type of insomnia? I have the one where I get day and night turned totally around, so that I end up being up til 6am or so, sleeping the day away. When I’ve tried just getting up at 8-9am after being up all night, I’d be miserable and usually end up napping in the afternoon, and then awake all night again. Trying to go to sleep early would leave me awake all night too.
My son has the same night owl issue, he’s 11 and we homeschool him and my daughter, so it’s been easy to ignore the problem til this summer when we had various cool day camps and events that happen at normal human hours. I studied up on the issue and decided to try chronotherapy, resetting our clocks to early AM waking by staying up later each “night”. So, night one, we went to bed at 9am, instead of the usual 6am. Next night, bed at noon. After that, 3pm, and so on, til we got to a normal pm (around 9-10) bedtime, and an early AM. It really worked! Unbelievably well, I am still astonished – not to mention thrilled. We all sleep straight through, no weird early waking, no 4 hours to get to sleep, just normal.
I have one young dog that wakes me up every AM at 5:45, so I’m trying to stay on this schedule for as long as possible. Everything I’ve seen written on the subject says that we should expect to relapse, but it’s a good trick to get you through some weeks, at least. This fall, we may go back to night owl time, since my husband’s job will be back in full swing (then dinner’s at 9-10pm), and outside classes will be in the evenings. We’ll see. So far, so good. HTH
tim
@Amir_Khalid:
The truth I speak is that the story at the top of the thread is stupid, and somewhat stalkerish/obsessed with Cole as he represents himself to be at BJ. Who writes stories about an anonymous blogger one has never met or even seen, and his/her alleged pets/house/life?
Indicates a lack of perspective and life of one’s own.
Weird.
Amir_Khalid
@Chyron HR: Too bad tim didn’t begin his comment with “I am …”
tim
@FlipYrWhig:
Could you please explain in detail why you regard me as a douchebag?
Amir_Khalid
@tim: That John Cole liked TattooSydney’s little story enough to feature it, that so many regular commenters here — and even a newbie like me — reacted positively to it, and that we all (okay, all but you) want more stuff like it, lead one to conclude that it is, by common consent, entirely appropriate for this blog.
It clearly bugs you to read about John Cole’s girth, his pets’ girth and ass boils, and our fascination with same. So why do you still come here? Just askin’.
eemom
@tim:
No, what’s weird is that some freak who trolls someone else’s blog to sling shit at a sweet little story that every single normal person here enjoyed reading would accuse anyone else of “a lack of perspective and life of one’s own.”
We really do need some more challenging trolls. This one is like shooting fish in a barrel.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Amir_Khalid: I thought it was stupid too but I like TS enough not to say it out loud. I’m sure TS has seen plenty of stupid from me over the years as well.
It’s a free country and all that.
burnspbesq
@tim:
Your comment 97 is all the explanation anyone would ever need.
burnspbesq
@Just Some Fuckhead:
It’s a bit of harmless fun. Why anyone would have an issue with that is just incomprehensible.
fitzwili
@Tim
If you like to write and create stories almost any little thing can capture your imagination. Agatha Christie overheard a snippet of a conversation where someone plaintively inquired ” Why didn’t they ask Evans?” and turned it into one of her best mysteries. I am puzzled why this little story to you seems so egregiously sycophantic . The narrative thrust of it is that a heavyset man possess animals. The animals and the man engage in various activities. The animals wish the man would walk and feed them more. This is not a tale that particularly lionizes and aggrandizes John- it is not like a 22 verse epic poem that describes how he slays orcs, wizards and Rahms with his mighty mighty sword.
Just Some Fuckhead
@burnspbesq: tim thought it was stupid. Why anyone would have an issue with that is equally incomprehensible.
Mnemosyne
@Corner Stone:
Crap. That’s my rep.
Time to make another stern phone call.
Josie
What is incomprehensible is that anyone would go to such lengths to piss off an entire community of good natured people. It might lead one to believe that the person has no other form of entertainment and leads a pitifully dull existence.
Mnemosyne
@valdivia:
If you have early-waking insomnia (you go to bed at a normal time and fall asleep but wake up at 3:00 or 4:00 am and can’t fall back asleep), that’s one of the hallmarks of clinical depression. So what helped for me was therapy and Wellbutrin.
Insomnia can be a symptom of other things (sleep apnea, depression, acid reflux, etc.) so it’s worth getting a full workup by your doctor to make sure something else isn’t going on.
Just Some Fuckhead
I once did a cartoon of John also, for the BJ swag site, but it was rejected.
Corner Stone
@fitzwili:
Actually, the narrative is that the fat man engages in no activities.
burnspbesq
@Just Some Fuckhead:
What Josie said. The fact that you can share every stray thought that flashes through your head doesn’t mean you should.
Just Some Fuckhead
@burnspbesq: Feel free to live by your own ideals. Don’t expect me or others to.
fitzwili
@ Cornerstone
Hee- you have uncovered my shameful slothfulness in which I consider staring out a window to be an activity!
Bella Q
@tim:
Tattoo Sydney’s story was not of interest to you, as opposed to stalkerish. The difference is of significance to anyone who has seen or has been subjected to actual stalking.
This, on the other, is self-indulgent and stalkerish. And somewhat disturbing.
Yutsano
@eemom: Wanker. The word you are looking for and I am certain FH #1 would approve of is wanker. Lord I hope he’s on vacation with his wonderful husband doing exotic things. I’m so glad he got front-paged like this, and all the feedback will be appreciated. Even the wankery, which knowing him he’ll laugh off, especially considering the source.
@Just Some Fuckhead: I think you’re being oppressed dude. FIGHT THE POWER!!
Corner Stone
@Josie:
Do you also post at a blog dedicated to Buddhism?
Corner Stone
@fitzwili: Simpatico!
Josie
@Corner Stone: No, but it’s a thought. Do you know of any good ones?
Corner Stone
@Josie: No. I just didn’t know where the community of good natured people was that you referred to.
I figured either a Yoga or Buddhist forum.
Josie
@Corner Stone: I had reference to the community as a whole. There are always a few outliers in any group.
DickSpudCouchPotatoDetective
@Just Some Fuckhead:
Now now, let’s not have any fucking unpleasantness.
Tattoosydney
@QuaintIrene:
My original idea (badly thought out) was that BJ minions could somehow contribute illustrations and/or the rest of the story – we have so many good writers and artists – with some view raising money for our favourite BJ charity…. any thoughts from anyone?
I haven’t read the entire thread – it’s still early morning here – but thanks to everyone for all the compliments and to Cole for posting.
I’m blushing here.
ETA: And yes, it should probably now be called “The fat man, the fat cat, the barky dog and the even fatter and barkier dog” – I assume Rosie is going to show up sometime in the next few chapters.
Yutsano
@Tattoosydney: There you is! I was hoping you’d get the chance to witness this glory! Hopefully this solves the issue we were discussing previously. And read through the thread, there’s an awesome title suggestion. And no not the three bitches one. Oh and please let me know if I used the correct adjective for a certain individual. Just read the thread, you’ll see what I mean.
Tattoosydney
@tim:
Wow. I’d take my stupid, obsessive life over your bitter unhappy one any day…
The entire thing springs from Cole’s own thread about the fat man, the fat cat and the barky dog, where SGEW suggested it was a good book title, and my stoned mind sent me later at night to spend about an hour drawing a little drawing and writing a silly little story.
It’s a harmless frippery, you sad grumpy fuck.
Svensker
@elmo:
Post this on the other open thread, too, so everybody sees it.
Yutsano
@Tattoosydney: The term we’re looking for here I think is “Fristian psychoanalysis”. Or diagnosis with the bare minimum knowledge of the actual patient. But when one sees only the bad in the world, one will have a tendency to go and find it. Plus I should have known whatever defence I could have mounted would pale in comparison to whatever you would come up with. I’d be a terrible spouse if I didn’t attempt it however, :)
Tattoosydney
@Yutsano:
Hi hon! My stalkerish obsession with Cole and his life is bearing fruit.
Svensker
@Tattoosydney:
That is a really good sentence.
AhabTRuler
@Tattoosydney: It’s a neat trick, you stalking John from the other side of the world. Maybe Cole should get a restraining order to, y’know, keep you out of these hemispheres.
Yutsano
@Tattoosydney: I freely admit to being entertained mightily, especially by the little Timmeh temper tantrum. Possibly more than I should be.
I’m unemployed now for six weeks. I was starting to think I wasn’t going to get everything done now I’m wondering what the hell I’m going to do with myself!
@AhabTRuler: Well we do have that pernicious no-fly list. I suppose we could just slip him on that. Although that would throw a minor kink in my housewarming plans. I need a good pastry chef for the dessert course.
AhabTRuler
@Yutsano: I wouldn’t wish the TSA on my worst enemy.
Well, maybe Cheney, but that’s it.
Josie
@Tattoosydney: Thank you. I feel as if the cavalry has arrived.
General Stuck
Wow. just read that TS. Wonderful little skit and the drawing equally cool. I would like to see more tidbits of creativity in BJ posts.
Guess I am blessed with a non barky dog.
Tattoosydney
@AhabTRuler:
Why do you think I’m living in Australia?
Yutsano
@Tattoosydney: And here I thought it had something to do with you being born on a sheep farm somewhere in the Outback. I’m shocked I tell you.
Delia
@Tattoosydney:
This could actually make a very sweet children’s book. I don’t write children’s stories myself but I have a friend who does. Make the plot center around Rosie’s arrival.
i.e.:
One rainy day the fat man told the fat cat and the barky dog he was going to town to buy food and treats for them. He looked in store after store until he found just the right things for them. On the drive home he saw a little dog huddled by the roadside. She looked very wet and frightened and lonely. He stopped the car to see if he could help her. She jumped inside the open car door and wagged her tail at him just like she was saying, “You seem like a very nice man. Please take me home with you.”
and so on. The plot conflict would revolve around Tunch and Lily initially not wanting another dog; John looking for Rosie’s owners, and eventually after some sort of crisis everyone accepting Rosie, and we end up with the fat man with the fat cat, the barky dog and the fat dog living happily in their house.
Steeplejack
@elmo:
Yeah, linky no work. Asks me to log in, and I have no idea . . .
You fix!
(nod to AsiangrrlMN)
ETA: Ah, I see link is fixed. That is good. I so love coming home really late from work and playing catch-up on the threads.
Steeplejack
@Just Some Fuckhead:
I found your photostream very touching. I remember the incident of the dog saving the little rabbit, but the whole model train setup was new to me. And the kids are beautiful.
ETA: What’s the story with the bunny at DSC01318. Sleeping, I hope, although that doesn’t sound very plausible.
Tattoosydney
@Delia:
I think so too – and you are right – Rosie’s arrival gives us the perfect storyline.
And there’s our second chapter, I suspect.
Any volunteers to illustrate that scene?
asiangrrlMN
@Tattoosydney: Damn it. Of course, Cole would post your wonderful story/illustration on one of the days I am absent from BJ (thanks, Yutsy for cluing me in). I suppose I better check to see if he posted a zillion pics of Tunchie, too. I actually like that the pic looks nothing like Cole–that just adds to the charm. The whole thing is delightful and whimsical and just a joy. If you want a chapter that is a bit more, ahem, dark, let me know.
As to the charges stated above by professional whiner, tim, I write entire essays about Alan Rickman, one is even about assuring him that I won’t be stalking him any time soon (unless he lived in my house, in which case, I wouldn’t have to stalk him). And, I have written stories that include people I’ve never met. Is that wrong, too? (Rhetorical question). Inspiration can come in many different forms, and a good artist (of which TS is one) grabs the You have surpassed yourself in asshattery with the quoted comment above. Congratulations.
@Steeplejack: Now you’re nodding at me for hat-tipping you! I love it!
asiangrrlMN
@Athenae: Ditto this a million times. I fucking hate shopping with a passion for the reasons you mentioned and many others. My mom now brings me clothing from Taiwan, and I don’t have to step foot in a clothing store again except to get the staples like tank tops and boxer shorts. I gave up on jeans years ago, and I haven’t looked back since.