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I’d Rather be Waterboarded

by John Cole

Should any government ever feel the need to torture me, I’ll take a year of waterboarding over being forced to watch this:

I challenge anyone to watch that.

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June 7, 2010 11:50 am Tags: ,  · Posted in: Clown Shoes, Free Markets Solve Everything, Going Galt  52 Comments

52 Responses

  1. Captain Goto - June 7, 2010 | 11:54 am · Link

    No dice, John.

    [shiver]

  2. Xecky Gilchrist - June 7, 2010 | 11:55 am · Link

    Yeah, a work-blocked video placeholder rectangle is pretty horrific.

  3. Crashman - June 7, 2010 | 11:58 am · Link

    Does he think he’s cool, dressing all in black like that? Talk about trying too hard.

  4. Cap'n Billy - June 7, 2010 | 12:00 pm · Link

    Well, the slightly untucked shirt and too-tight jeans make for nice accessories on Mr. Kaus …. I heard he raises goats. Has anyone else heard that?

  5. slippy - June 7, 2010 | 12:00 pm · Link

    I stopped playback when the FIRST sentence was “and I can live on $80,000.”

    The minute elites start talking about how they can “live on” twice the median American income, I feel my mouth filling up with warm spit.

  6. Punchy - June 7, 2010 | 12:02 pm · Link

    Damn that’s BAAAAHHHd. It’s like he’s talking to the sheeple. He’s goat’ing me into breaking my computer.

  7. Scamp Dog - June 7, 2010 | 12:02 pm · Link

    @Xecky Gilchrist: Thank the FSM for your workplace’s blocking. I had to look at a picture of Mickey Kaus talking to some dude from Reason magazine. I made sure not to click the play button to avoid further brain damage.

  8. arguingwithsignposts - June 7, 2010 | 12:02 pm · Link

    Do not get out of the boat!

    Just from the frame grab, I see they could use some help with the lighting.

  9. Poopyman - June 7, 2010 | 12:03 pm · Link

    Well, I started the video with no sound ‘cause I’m at work and who wants to hear The Goat F#ckerer anyhow. Anyway, first thing I notice is that it’s 41 minutes long. WTF? There’d have to be a lot of car crashes in this video to make it worth my time, but I’m not gonna bet that there are.

  10. Hunter Gathers - June 7, 2010 | 12:05 pm · Link

    @slippy:

    I stopped playback when the FIRST sentence was “and I can live on $80,000.”

    That’s where I stopped. I would kill to make 80 grand a year. And with that kind of scratch, he could afford better fitting pants.

  11. MattF - June 7, 2010 | 12:10 pm · Link

    No no no. Wont. WONT.

  12. Poopyman - June 7, 2010 | 12:10 pm · Link

    @Hunter Gathers:
    Eighty grand buys a lotta goats.

  13. Brachiator - June 7, 2010 | 12:12 pm · Link

    Should any government ever feel the need to torture me, I’ll take a year of waterboarding over being forced to watch this:

    I tried. I couldn’t last more than 10 seconds.

    Does Amnesty International know about this video?

  14. Perry Como - June 7, 2010 | 12:12 pm · Link

    Dear god. That’s like a year’s worth of douchebaggery compressed into 10 minutes.

  15. sukabi - June 7, 2010 | 12:16 pm · Link

    2 minutes in… that’s enough.

    the interviewer wasn’t taking him seriously… first question, response, reply…. paraphrase “you’ll be replaced by illegal mexican bloggers?” and there was another shot involving illegal immigrants within that 2 minute mark… but I’m not going to listen to the whole thing to see if the interviewer makes a comment about anything regarding goats.

  16. Poopyman - June 7, 2010 | 12:17 pm · Link

    @Perry Como:

    Dear god. That’s like a year’s worth of douchebaggery compressed into 10 minutesseconds.

    You’re a generous man, Perry.

  17. Nick - June 7, 2010 | 12:18 pm · Link

    OT: Helen Thomas just quit

  18. scav - June 7, 2010 | 12:19 pm · Link

    forget asymmetric warfare, we’re now up to cultural terrorism! How they gonna reconcile this with their cries of Free Marketz!

  19. Perry Como - June 7, 2010 | 12:20 pm · Link

    When Kaus talks it sounds like he has Gillespie’s balls in his mouth.

  20. PeakVT - June 7, 2010 | 12:21 pm · Link

    Who knew that a video of two men fapping could be safe for work?

  21. thomas Levenson - June 7, 2010 | 12:24 pm · Link

    Not getting out of the boat. Just no way never not.

  22. maya - June 7, 2010 | 12:24 pm · Link

    Hey! Are they in the Bush Liberry?

  23. Joel - June 7, 2010 | 12:25 pm · Link

    Kaus, as compared to Christopher Hitchens.

    Hitchens is eloquent, Kaus is inarticulate.
    Hitchens is erudite, Kaus is just rude.
    Hitchens is a douchebag, Kaus is a dushbag.

    Obligatory Roger Clemens reference.

  24. SiubhanDuinne - June 7, 2010 | 12:26 pm · Link

    @Cap’n Billy:

    I heard he raises goats. Has anyone else heard that?

    I heard exactly the opposite.

  25. MBSS - June 7, 2010 | 12:27 pm · Link

    that fucktard mickey kaus is invoking paul wellstone’s imagery for his campaign. my antipathy toward this idiot is visceral and real.

    fuck you, mickey kaus

    http://moderateleft.com/?p=6382

  26. Comrade Jake - June 7, 2010 | 12:28 pm · Link

    I made it to 1:45. That’s all I could stomach.

    Fuck you Cole. It’s lunchtime, goddamnit!

  27. Rommie - June 7, 2010 | 12:29 pm · Link

    I like the new tags – lots of potential to use as bait, and get the foaming at the mouth Usual Suspects to show up like a puppetmaster. Plain ol’ delicious snark is good too.

  28. middlewest - June 7, 2010 | 12:29 pm · Link

    Oh my god. That worthless piece of shit ripped off Paul Wellstone’s ads!

    I want to stuff him in a relief well.

  29. IndieTarheel - June 7, 2010 | 12:30 pm · Link

    Ha! I hovered over the link and saw Kaus’ name. Nice try!

  30. middlewest - June 7, 2010 | 12:30 pm · Link

    @MBSS: Hah, beaten to the hate-punch.

  31. MikeJ - June 7, 2010 | 12:33 pm · Link

    A goat’s pupils are rectangular.
    Their average life span is eight to 12 years.

    Worldwide, meat and milk from goats are consumed more than the meat and milk from cows.
    Goats can eat up to 8 pounds of green foliage a day.

    http://www.seattlepi.com/local/319789_goats14.html

  32. celticdragonchick - June 7, 2010 | 12:40 pm · Link

    @Brachiator:

    I tried. I couldn’t last more than 10 seconds.

    Does Amnesty International know about this video?

    I lasted about 12.

    I need a Scotch and water.

  33. MBSS - June 7, 2010 | 12:41 pm · Link

    @middlewest:

    but i like how you think.

  34. slag - June 7, 2010 | 12:43 pm · Link

    Thirty seconds is all it takes to determine that those are two people you would never ever want to hang out with.

    In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if the term “douchebag” was created just for them.

  35. Phil - June 7, 2010 | 12:51 pm · Link

    Helen Thomas forced to retire and booted from polite society.

    President of Iran, anti-Semites and John Cole hardest hit.

  36. MBSS - June 7, 2010 | 12:52 pm · Link

    correction:

    mickey douche was raised by goats.

  37. EvolutionaryDesign - June 7, 2010 | 12:53 pm · Link

    Could only make it to 5:00 – there’s 40 minutes of this crap?!? BTW, these guys sound nearly identical – it’s like a super-unpleasant (literaly) babbling brooke.

  38. IndieTarheel - June 7, 2010 | 12:54 pm · Link

    @slag:

    In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if the term “douchebag” was created just for them.

    I object, on the grounds that douchebags (in their original context) contain a vital commodity and as such perform a useful service.

    Although I suppose it could be argued that being a living example of wasted protoplasm is useful too. Just sayin’.

  39. cleek - June 7, 2010 | 12:55 pm · Link

    bloggers talking: is there anything more unnecessary ?

    besides Phil, above, obviously.

  40. Bill Rutherford, Princeton Admissions - June 7, 2010 | 12:57 pm · Link

    Helen Thomas forced to retire and booted from polite society.

    President of Iran, anti-Semites and John Cole hardest hit.

    But you repeat yourself…

  41. slag - June 7, 2010 | 12:58 pm · Link

    @SiubhanDuinne: Hilarious! And kinda cringeworthy at the same time.

  42. MBSS - June 7, 2010 | 12:59 pm · Link

    @Bill Rutherford, Princeton Admissions:

    hasbara junk shot?

  43. SRW1 - June 7, 2010 | 1:11 pm · Link

    I heard he raises goats. Has anyone else heard that?

    I heard he’s working on human-goat hybrids. He apparently hasn’t succeeded yet, but according to radio Jerewan, the attempts are continuing.

  44. Ed Drone - June 7, 2010 | 1:45 pm · Link

    @SRW1:

    I heard he raises goats. Has anyone else heard that?

    My understanding is it’s the other way ‘round—goats raise him.

    [nudge, nudge, wink, wink]

    Ed

  45. Chuck Butcher - June 7, 2010 | 2:06 pm · Link

    What 5 minutes left me with was a wonder that he put a (D) after his name. WTF isn’t he running as a Teabagger?

    Edit: Now my brain hurts.

  46. JMC_in_the_ATL - June 7, 2010 | 2:36 pm · Link

    Jesus, Gillespie, if you’re going to insist on dressing like a hipster douchebag half your age, at least learn how to match your blacks.

  47. Giles Goat Boy - June 7, 2010 | 3:01 pm · Link

    Mickey Kaus fucked me in the ass. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!

    And then he went fucked every other goat in the farmyard—even after telling me that I was the only goat for him. Lying bastard!

  48. Fwiffo - June 7, 2010 | 3:05 pm · Link

    Damn, 42 minutes. I thought the waterboarding thing was hyperbole… I mean, both would lead to life-long emotional scarring, but waterboarding would be over much more quickly. And there would be less chance of permanent physical injury and/or death with the waterboard too.

  49. Brachiator - June 7, 2010 | 4:49 pm · Link

    @Chuck Butcher:

    What 5 minutes left me with was a wonder that he put a (D) after his name. WTF isn’t he running as a Teabagger?

    Obviously he is running as a Douchebagger.

    There’s a profile of Kaus in today’s LA Times.

    He notes that he is running for the Senate in California not because he expects to win, but because he wants to start an argument and hopes to “move the ‘silent majority of moderate Californians.’”

    Seriously.

    It’s a weird, mercy fuck kind of profile by Robin Abcarian (“hey, you used to be a journalist, and I’m a journalist until they turn the lights out here, so I’ll throw you a freebie”) in which Kaus comes across as a pathetic little weasel groveling for attention.

    A few … highlights:

    In the same spirit, here are a few quick facts about Kaus, who is sometimes described as disheveled but is well-groomed, balding and attractive in a Robert Klein kind of way:
    ...
    He’s 58 and has never been married. He graduated from Beverly Hills High, Harvard and Harvard Law. He clerked for California Supreme Court Justice Stanley Mosk when his father, Otto Kaus, was a presiding judge on the California Court of Appeal, but claims it was not nepotism because he asked Mosk for work while his dad was on vacation.
    ...
    “I spent a year and a half in every journalistic institution on the planet,” says Kaus. “I have the resume of an alcoholic.”
    ...
    He’s driving his mom’s Volvo these days because his 1991 Nissan 300ZX — with a “Kerry Haters for Kerry” bumper sticker — is not running.

  50. Ruckus - June 7, 2010 | 5:48 pm · Link

    I will not click. I will not click. I will not click.

    I like easy voting. Not voting for this clown is one of the easiest. Ever.

  51. Brian J - June 7, 2010 | 6:47 pm · Link

    What’s the point of him running again?

  52. fucen tarmal - June 7, 2010 | 6:50 pm · Link

    bp goatse

    safe for work. it is i swear on the tarmal.


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