Hook a brother up
Seeing a major talent—who happens to be a winger—this hard up for work shows that Breitbart is right about those Alinski Hollywood star chambers.
(The massive picture of Stephen Baldwin crashed our server)
...Stephen’s career has sailed into a perfect storm of bankruptcy, Jesus-freakiness, and unemployment, that has culminated in the best website we’ve seen in a long time, The Restoration Of Stephen Baldwin.
Run by “someone Stephen nor his staff have ever met”, the site’s sole mission is to raise money for Baldwin, whose career and personal income have hit a low point, no thanks to his Christianity. So sayeth the Q & A on the site “When he became an outspoken Christian in 2002 his income went down by 70% when he refused roles with gratuitous sex and violence.” We sayeth, you should have asked for a higher salary on Bio-Dome, dude, and put that money in the bank. We’re not knocking his beliefs, we’re just skeptical that they’re being blamed for his downfall – look at Mel Gibson, who hasn’t compromised his Christianity. He made the hugely successful Passion Of The Christ and has all the birth-uncontrolled sex he wants in the name of the Lord.
April 22, 2010 10:23 pm
Posted in: General Stupidity, Good News For Conservatives, We Are All Mayans Now
68 Comments
68 Responses
kommrade reproductive vigor - April 22, 2010 | 10:26 pm · Link
All right. I wasn’t going to complain about the new ad set up but now it has stuck a giant ad for an industrial-sized douche right above your post –
What?
Steve who?
Oh! Never mind.
Shalimar - April 22, 2010 | 10:28 pm · Link
I would guess the career downturn is because he’s creepy, but then he was creepy when he was popular too. So maybe it is the Christianity.
Incertus (Brian) - April 22, 2010 | 10:30 pm · Link
So I presume Stephen Baldwin is broke now because he did what Jesus told his followers to do—he sold all his worldly goods and gave the proceeds to the poor, right? What? He didn’t?
Will - April 22, 2010 | 10:30 pm · Link
It’s a hard life for the other other Baldwin brother.
Balconesfault - April 22, 2010 | 10:30 pm · Link
What – are he and Alec some kind of yin/yang deal … liberal versus wingnut … talented versus hacktastic … funny versus painfully stupid … suave and good looking versus low rent creepy?
Jeff Fecke - April 22, 2010 | 10:32 pm · Link
@Balconesfault:
Come now. That’s totally unfair.
Alec is pretty creepy too.
Cat Lady - April 22, 2010 | 10:35 pm · Link
What the fuck is he wearing? I remember when saying “what a Baldwin” was a good thing.
madmommy - April 22, 2010 | 10:36 pm · Link
Obviously God’s plan for him is to be living in a cardboard box under an overpass. Being the good Christian that he is, he’s not going to question God’s plan, amirite?
Shalimar - April 22, 2010 | 10:36 pm · Link
@Jeff Fecke: Alec seems to be pretty creepy in real life. Which makes his acting ability even more impressive since I rarely get that vibe from his characters.
A Thousand Faces - April 22, 2010 | 10:38 pm · Link
Ahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahah. That site is gold. Pure gold.
toujoursdan - April 22, 2010 | 10:41 pm · Link
We may have hit Poe’s Law with this one, haven’t we?
...or maybe not.
Mike Kay - April 22, 2010 | 10:42 pm · Link
Fredo Baldwin.
Keith - April 22, 2010 | 10:43 pm · Link
I can’t for the life of me figure out how to donate a chicken to Stephen Baldwin via that site. Maybe I can send an email to Erick Erickson re: some advice on both procuring and mailing a (live?) chicken to someone across state lines.
Steaming Pile - April 22, 2010 | 10:44 pm · Link
The difference is, Mel Gibson is a much better actor.
SGEW - April 22, 2010 | 10:47 pm · Link
Well, he’s no Daniel Baldwin, I’ll tell you that.
Elisabeth - April 22, 2010 | 10:48 pm · Link
I just pray he and Victoria Jackson never procreate together. Oy.
PanAmerican - April 22, 2010 | 10:49 pm · Link
Plenty of no talents skirt by in Hollywood. Maybe the problem is he shows up everywhere stoned.
Eric U. - April 22, 2010 | 10:49 pm · Link
I’m thinking this blatant ploy will get him a few guest spots on Fox News and a cameo on 24 and that’s about it.
justinslot - April 22, 2010 | 10:49 pm · Link
The Usual Suspects was soooo long ago.
Sam Hutcheson - April 22, 2010 | 10:50 pm · Link
When you’re a B-list hack living off of your family name, scrapping together minor parts in off-season filler and lead roles in straight-to-video-or-Cinemax schlock in lieu of a career built on any discernible talent, and then you have a religious experience and refuse to take the soft-core porn and quadruple derivative “action” roles, yeah, you’re earnings are going to drop.
Stephen Baldwin’s problem isn’t his religion. It’s his absolute inability to act.
Sean - April 22, 2010 | 10:50 pm · Link
Baldwin peaked in “The Usual Suspects”... in 1995. Its been a long, slow decline into crazy.
Svensker - April 22, 2010 | 10:51 pm · Link
He obviously has some serious mental/emotional problems. He’s a major pest but I feel sorry for someone so very screwed up.
Mike Kay - April 22, 2010 | 10:53 pm · Link
@Eric U.: 24 has been canceled.
they finished filming a while ago.
Another reason why Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. No, really. He made these shows obsolete.
Citizen_X - April 22, 2010 | 10:57 pm · Link
I’m sorry, who’s that guy up top, the lesser half of a “Hot chicks with douchebags” pic?
Annie - April 22, 2010 | 10:58 pm · Link
He is a double douche. Can’t make any money as a film star, and can’t make any money as an evangelical Christian. I am in for one chicken. At least that way he can get health care….
PS. Am I the only one getting lines through everything? Please don’t tell me it’s the wine…
slag - April 22, 2010 | 11:00 pm · Link
What Stephen Baldwin has against the free market should remain between him and his god.
Sam Hutcheson - April 22, 2010 | 11:00 pm · Link
They’ll take my chickens when they pry them out of my cold, dead hands.
Yutsano - April 22, 2010 | 11:00 pm · Link
@Annie: Someone may not have closed a tag somewhere, although I’m not seeing it on FF.
Krissed Off - April 22, 2010 | 11:02 pm · Link
Fie. Why on earth is Balloon Juice giving this miserable benighted idiot any attention whatsoever?
Tattoosydney - April 22, 2010 | 11:04 pm · Link
Ahhhhhhh. Help me – I’m stuck under this enormous black line and can’t get up….
DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal) - April 22, 2010 | 11:04 pm · Link
He screwed the pooch when he gave up roles in movies that had “gratuitous sex or violence”. His supporters may like StevieB but they love “gratuitous sex or violence” more, usually preferring both at the same time if possible. That’s what always gets me about Fox, they sell exactly what their adoring public claims to despise.
Like a Christian pharmacy, there’s lots of talk about having them but once they have them they’re not interested in using it because it doesn’t have what they need. Same with StevieB. They applaud him yet he is finding out that isn’t paying off for him.
Jeebus has a sad.
Belafon (formerly anonevent) - April 22, 2010 | 11:06 pm · Link
@slag: Maybe he’s got the same god that guy who has decided the civil war isn’t over has. Stephen just thinks that if he keeps his hand out long enough, God will put something in it.
MikeJ - April 22, 2010 | 11:06 pm · Link
@Annie: Looks almost intentional. I’m not seeing the strikethrough, but I do see one char at the end of a comment that is. (@21)
gbear - April 22, 2010 | 11:12 pm · Link
@Tattoosydney:
Look at the bright side: nobody can do a ‘fix’t’ comment on this thread. That tradition gets a rest tonight.
RJ - April 22, 2010 | 11:13 pm · Link
It’s good to see he’s not in any way betraying conservative principles by asking for a handout.
I’m just amused that the wingnut welfare circuit has expanded beyond joining think tanks and becoming op-ed columnists.
Silver Owl - April 22, 2010 | 11:16 pm · Link
Why is it that the reason can never be “he’s just an asshole with zero appeal.”?
limniade - April 22, 2010 | 11:17 pm · Link
Guess Baldwin’s gonna have to go to back school and get a job like the rest of us unfamous schmucks. Isn’t that what you do when your career isn’t panning out the way you hoped?
Mark S. - April 22, 2010 | 11:18 pm · Link
Looking at his imdb page, it looks like he was doing mostly direct-to-video shit both before and after 2002. I’m not convinced his Christianity has anything to do with this.
He did make a sequel to Slap Shot in 2002. Maybe he’s being punished for that.
mai naem - April 22, 2010 | 11:22 pm · Link
Isn’t Stephen the
druggierecovering drug addict? If so maybe, just maybe, that has something with him being broke?Yutsano - April 22, 2010 | 11:24 pm · Link
@Tattoosydney: I didn’t do it. I promise. I’m innocent, I swear!
GregB - April 22, 2010 | 11:24 pm · Link
Someone tell this no talent religious fanatic that Gieco is looking for a new spokesman now that the tea-baggers got the previous guy fired for calling them our for being McVeigh’s in training.
The Truffle - April 22, 2010 | 11:28 pm · Link
Refresh my memory: has Stephen Baldwin done any notable projects?
DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal) - April 22, 2010 | 11:29 pm · Link
@DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal):
I haz been moderated! FYWP. Also.
HE Pennypacker, Wealthy Industrialist - April 22, 2010 | 11:30 pm · Link
Republicans tell me you can earn a perfectly great living doing several service sector jobs at fast food restaurants.
Joel - April 22, 2010 | 11:30 pm · Link
I just looked over Stevie’s IMDB profile, and it looks like the last project of his I even remotely remember seeing was “The Usual Suspects” ... and honestly I don’t really remember him being in that even though I did watch it 3-4 times back in the day.
He did nothing of note between 1995 (Suspects) and 2002 (commencement of religious outspokenness), so I don’t think he can really claim that his “coming out” was directly the cause of his income problems.
I think that basically he just sucks. On the other hand, he does have about 5 movies that are in production or post-production right now, so he’s not really starving for work. Plenty of people are willing to hire him. And even if he’s at a D-grade Hollywood salary level, I still feel pretty confident in betting that he still makes a shitload more money than I do.
handy - April 22, 2010 | 11:31 pm · Link
Hollywood is a weird place. I’m still trying to figure out the supersecret formula for why a given person suddenly becomes “hot” while someone else with a long track record of solid performances can suddenly just drop off the radar. Not saying that describes Steven Baldwin, just saying God knows why this guy was “in” at all to begin with and now he’s so very out. The biz can be a cruel thing.
Mark S. - April 22, 2010 | 11:34 pm · Link
(The massive picture of Stephen Baldwin crashed our server)
Famous last words.
Mnemosyne - April 22, 2010 | 11:37 pm · Link
@mai naem:
You’re thinking of Daniel, who was the one who flunked out of “Celebrity Rehab.” Stephen may be a druggie, too, but he’s not the one who tried to cash in on his addiction.
geg6 - April 22, 2010 | 11:39 pm · Link
Aren’t a lot of addicts broke? Or is that the other Other Baldwin? For some strange reason, I can only keep straight the one Baldwin with all the talent, even if Alec is a total douche, too. At least he’s an entertaining douche.
And I need this third OT over in the Pens game or I’m gonna be worthless at work tomorrow. This is making me cranky.
hamletta - April 22, 2010 | 11:43 pm · Link
@HE Pennypacker, Wealthy Industrialist: And you can make $50/hr. picking lettuce. Also.
tc125231 - April 22, 2010 | 11:49 pm · Link
@madmommy:
u-r-rite!
HE Pennypacker, Wealthy Industrialist - April 22, 2010 | 11:50 pm · Link
@ hamletta: And you can make $50/hr. picking lettuce. Also.
You can buy a LOT of chickens for $50/hr.
Ed Drone - April 22, 2010 | 11:54 pm · Link
I can’t even bring a picture to my mind of this guy, so I’m not going to hazard a guess about his situation.
With that, I just have to say that with all the bartering being touted by so many Republican candidates in their campaign plans, we’re seeing a return to “a chicken in every plot.”
Sorry.
Ed
Kal - April 22, 2010 | 11:57 pm · Link
The last (only?) good thing I’ve seen Stephen Baldwin in is Celebrity Mole: Hawaii and Celebrity Mole: Yucatan. D-List celebrities on reality game shows FTW!
Michael G - April 23, 2010 | 12:13 am · Link
If I may be so bold to suggest: New tag line!
Martin - April 23, 2010 | 12:30 am · Link
Stephen might possibly be the stupidest person ever to become famous. I know that’s a high bar, but I think he’s capable of clearing it.
Mike in NC - April 23, 2010 | 12:37 am · Link
Who will tell Dick Cheney that his favorite torture porn has been axed?
FlipYrWhig - April 23, 2010 | 12:51 am · Link
Stephen Baldwin’s present is Tim Tebow’s future.
master c - April 23, 2010 | 1:33 am · Link
yeah, being a Christian in the USA puts you solidly in the minority-
tough!
slag - April 23, 2010 | 2:58 am · Link
@Belafon (formerly anonevent):
Typical freeloader. If he had any self-respect at all he would purchase himself some surgical enhancement, tackle those p0rn jobs with gusto, and stop begging for a handout.
JD Rhoades - April 23, 2010 | 6:29 am · Link
@Jeff Fecke:
Yeah, but Alec parlayed that into comedy and still has a good career as a result of it. Stephen’s a humorless, preachy douchebag.
hidflect - April 23, 2010 | 8:00 am · Link
Who’da thought Barney Rubble was such a nut?
sal - April 23, 2010 | 8:42 am · Link
I wonder if these guys have thought through the Book of Job references. Job got screwed by God because of a bet God made with Satan. Instead of blaming Hollywood atheo-communists and their jihad against Christianity, if Steven’s problems really are Job-like, maybe the cause is too, eh?
Legalize - April 23, 2010 | 9:03 am · Link
Ok. He has a staff?
Frank - April 23, 2010 | 9:22 am · Link
A perfect demonstration of the appeal neocon culture has for no-talents.It tells them that everyone else (liberals) are to blame for their failures.And while the public at large no longer cares for their movies,books,music,etc.;there will allways be a pity party of wingers to stroke their egos.
Allan - April 23, 2010 | 10:38 am · Link
He’s no Scott Baio, that’s for sure.
TooManyJens - April 23, 2010 | 11:37 am · Link
@Legalize:
You know. In his pants.
Karl Rove - April 23, 2010 | 2:58 pm · Link
Stephen Baldwin does have a staff. He goes everywhere with the following group:
1. His Guru (who is also his stand-in)
2. His A.A. Sponsor
3. His spiritual advisor
4. His cabana boy (no really, that’s what he calls him)
No, I’m not kidding.