Jamie Oliver Can SUCK. ON. THIS…
By John Cole April 3rd, 2010
This is just what we needed:
Last August, we wrote about the “Double Down,” a mysteriously tempting (and potentialy lethal) new food item being tested by KFC. For those coming late to the story, it’s bacon and cheese sandwiched between two pieces of fried chicken. And now, many months later, I’ll finally be able to get my hands on one.KFC announced the decision to go live with the Double Down yesterday, but we weren’t sure they weren’t playing a April Fools gag. But no, they truly are going nationwide with the delicacy on April 12.
This is excellent news for… cardiologists.
Posted in Food, General Stupidity, Popular Culture
I’m holding out for the deep fried cheese meatloaf.
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:34 pm
This is America, land of transfat and high fructose corn syrup. Keeps the docs and food processors locked in a never ending, and profitable death spiral.
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:35 pm
It seems like too much for me, but I’d try one without cheese just because.
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:35 pm
Because nothing says “America, Fuck Yeah!” like a buncha lard asses with clogged arteries.
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Somewhere out there, Brick Oven Bill is on his knees before the screen, praising the name of Glenn Beck and warning his neighbors not to let the Socialists stop the delivery of essential food supplies.
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:37 pm
I’ve eaten worse. Hell, I’ve gone out of my way to do so.
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:39 pm
Svensker, I think it works.
What better message to send to terrorists?
Think you want to screw with the USA? We eat shit every day that is more dangerous than you are!
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:40 pm
About once a year, KFC sounds better than a steak and lobster dinner. Then I go eat it, have heartburn for a week, and it’s another year until I get that craving again.
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:40 pm
I had a heart attack just reading about the damned thing.
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:41 pm
@ AngusJackBootedThugOfMeat
You’re just saying that because it’s just the pigs and the chickens that had to suffer for that sandwich. Bovinist!
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:43 pm
Svensker,
Just looking out for my peeps ;)
Pork ribs, anyone?
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:44 pm
The older I get the more my body just refuses to let me eat stuff like this. I’m very grateful. That picture doesn’t tempt me in the least (unlike Jeffrey W’s wholesome dishes).
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:45 pm
They’ll make bank over the novelty factor, and the only thing they have to add to inventory is the Double Down wrapper. Of course they’re going to go live with this.
Well, maybe the cheeses aren’t on their current inventory.
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:49 pm
Put me down for having one, um, never.
Under the health care law, they’re going to have to list the calorie count.
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Because a bun would be neither meat nor cheese…
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:53 pm
As long as they take the skin off the chicken part, that makes it low-fat.. right? Oh, and dessert is a deep-fried Snickers bar, I guess. Also skinned.
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:53 pm
It needs a fried egg on it. Maybe some gravy too.
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:55 pm
South Park was so prescient.
http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/267110
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:55 pm
Fuck Cake! I know what I’m going to put candles in for my birthday!
Anyone watch last Wednesday’s South Park?
Also, Patton Oswalt had this covered a couple years ago.
http://thegreatamericandesert......r-unthink/
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:55 pm
The lack of a chocolate coating is a deal-breaker.
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:59 pm
And what to wash it down? A giant cup of pure liquid shortening?
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Considering the chicken is battered then fried in seed oil clinches it for me. Now if it were two grass fed beef patties cooked up in lard or butter then I’d go for it.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:01 pm
I worked in fast food as a teenager, and this thing reeks of something that started with employees in the stores and bubbled up.
This is totally “making a break meal from stuff we can’t sell because it’s been sitting under the heat lamps too long”.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:01 pm
@ Freelancer
Didn’t see the rest of your paragraph at first, because I was trying to imagine what Fuck Cake was. The mind was boggling (yet entertained).
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:02 pm
that is ticking about every single not in my lifetime box that I’ve got and a few new ones spontaneously combusted into being.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:02 pm
@Svensker:
It’s like Sky Cake.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:05 pm
Poor Jamie. He’s giving it a go, but, lordy… when they showed the episode where the kids in the grade school didn’t know how to use utensils (and the faculty were against teaching them as a liability issue!), I just about lost it.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:05 pm
No, no. Fuck Cake is a key part of Fuck Dessert. It keeps relationships lively and is great for the arteries.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:05 pm
Okay, if that’s an appetizer for 6, why does it come in a paper sack? Shouldn’t it be on a plate with toothpicks?
...Jebus, no! They intend some person they hate to eat that for lunch! Will the cruelty never end?
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:08 pm
That looks fantastic. I’m going to finish it off with a Deep Fried Mars Bar. Heart attacks for everyone.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:08 pm
Absolutely, 100%, no bones about it, straight up: America! Fuck Yeah
!!
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:11 pm
I think SNL may have the last word on this:
http://www.foodfacts.info/extr.....time.shtml
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:14 pm
I wish I had one of those right now. So hungry.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:16 pm
MEAT IS THE NEW BREAD
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:16 pm
Yeah, that SNL skit was the first thing I thought of.
Making it harder and harder for satire.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:21 pm
The Onion had this one covered years ago.
Hate to admit this, but about an hour before this thread was posted, I was sitting in the KFC in West St. Paul clogging my arteries. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I didn’t see this sandwich on the menu, but I certainly wasn’t looking for it.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:25 pm
I think my cholesterol just shot up to over 200 just looking at that picture.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:26 pm
They’ll close the deal with me if they offer it with my choice of dipping sauces, maybe including some sort of sweet gravy option.
Mmm, Peeps sushi!
http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:30 pm
Not bad. I’m trying to drop about 25 lbs. When I get done, I’m going to make one of these to celebrate:
Bacon Explosion
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:35 pm
Oh barf, that looks disgusting.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:36 pm
I’m so there. And I’m “doubling down” by getting two.
And, to think, Jack-in-the-Box had that parody commercial a couple of years ago while promoting their ultimate meat-and-cheese burger where a focus group of men discussed the sandwich. Jack did a spit-take when they decided that the burger would be perfect… of they only got rid of the bun.
KFC took it seriously.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:41 pm
I smell a breaking three part investigative series world exclusive from Erick Erickson reporting live for CNN, April 12, 2010.
*
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:44 pm
Pffft. Ren and Stimpy had this covered years ago. “What do you want on your sandwich, Kowalski?” “Meat!” “What kind of bread do you want?” “MEAT!”
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:46 pm
Is a Big Orange available with that? If so, I’ll take two.
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:54 pm
The Onion always impresses.
‘Gelatinous Pork Orbs’ is a condiment?
The Onion. STILL outsatirizing reality. Even now. O_O
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:55 pm
Just doesn’t look good. Why not just have a chicken and bacon sandwich?
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:58 pm
Pah. Amateurs.
Tailpipes: Hot dogs, stuffed with cheese, wrapped in a tortilla, deep fried, served with Ranch dressing. Had they added bacon to the mix, I think it would have been the perfect drunk food.
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:09 pm
I’m guessing a lot of people are going to order a diet pepsi to wash it down. Cause they’re watching their weight, ya know. I’m surprised that a paper bag would hold the thing for more than five seconds without dissolving into oily goo.
When they’re listing the calorie count, I wonder whether they’re allowed to use exponential notation.
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:09 pm
One estimate: 1,200 calories, 50 grams of fat. Of course, KFC pushes back:
Uh, yeah, 600 calories of bone.
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:11 pm
They should have made it a smoothie.
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Well, let’s stuff 100 of them into Maynard and see how much weight he gains (with the appropriate scientific controls, of course).
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Simpsons did it!
One day, while watching a TV show he does not like (Ken Burns doing a documentary on his own life), Homer prays God will find the remote. It appears to work, and Homer begins praying for a number of better things, such as praying for a new snack food, which he gets in the form of a mix of bacon and fudge.
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:16 pm
If the chicken part was filets, not breaded and deep-fried, I’d totally try it.
I’d hate myself afterwards, but I’d try it.
Fortunately, fried chicken doesn’t do it for me at all, so this Double Down doesn’t tempt me.
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:17 pm
Charlie Brooker at the Guardian (TV snark column) had a good point about that “Man Vs. Food” show.
In the show, the host goes to some town and finds a local place that has some kind of challenge item on the menu, like a 7 pound hamburger. The show host attempts to eat the thing.
Brooker noted that, in the name of honesty, they should also include the Man vs. Poo aftermath:
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:19 pm
Bread is one of the worst things in the world!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nQ1aDG6ZWQ
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:19 pm
When the proletariat eat chicken cordon bleu, be concerned, very concerned.
or am I missing something
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:29 pm
Why do I even bother trying? I haz a sad.
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:32 pm
Since the nearest KFC is 45 miles I guess I’ll miss this one for awhile. I’d probably like it but then I can’t gain weight by working at it.
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:33 pm
So, everyone’s upset because KFC is serving chicken cordon bleu?
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:37 pm
Mmmm. Put me down for 2.
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:40 pm
It’ll go well with a six-pack of Coors and a couple of Twinkies.
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:40 pm
This is the sort of thing that while completely disgusting to me in my current middle-aged self, would be completely mouth-watering to my past early twenty-something self – preferably after having done a couple of bong hits an hour or two previous to eating one.
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:44 pm
this is fine and all, a good step forward.
i’m still holding out for my dream.
when is someone going to deep fry chewing tobacco?
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:48 pm
@RSA – To be fair, there’s a lot more breading and skin involved in a breast on the bone. According to KFC’s website, the Original Recipe breast filet is 170 calories, and the OR breast with breading and skin is 320. The difference in doubling them up is 300 calories, though, not 600.
340 calories from the two filets leaves 270 for two pieces of cheese, bacon, and the Colonel’s Sauce, however. The truth is somewhere down the middle of a lard-coated grave.
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:48 pm
Monstrous and much worse than a Lutherburger.
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:49 pm
You’re all missing the point. KFC is simply strengthening its hold on the stoner market. So many DFHs here and no one gets that?
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:59 pm
[...] by Kirk on April 3, 2010 By way of John Cole’s site, I got wind of this. “This” is a new sandwich KFC is offering. Two chicken filets, deep [...]
April 3rd, 2010 at 8:03 pm
A Lutherburger? What is that? A deep-fried slice of cardinal between two crispy indulgences, topped off with an unique hellfire sauce?
April 3rd, 2010 at 8:09 pm
@Morzer, a lutherburger (named for Luther Vandross and allegedly one of his favorites) is a large cheeseburger that uses a pair of Krispy Kreme glazed donuts as the bun.
April 3rd, 2010 at 8:20 pm
I noted that you can also get a version with Grilled Chicken, instead of Fried Chicken. For the folks watching their carbs, I guess.
April 3rd, 2010 at 8:20 pm
I was going to bring up the Lutherburger, because all this is missing is the Krispy Kreme!
For you uninitiated, the Lutherburger is not named for the Br. Marty, but the singer, Luther Vandross
Being an actual Lutheran, though, I quite enjoyed morzer’s definition.
And this seems as good an opportunity as any to mention the Meatcake!
April 3rd, 2010 at 8:25 pm
I want to go to there
April 3rd, 2010 at 8:34 pm
Mark @8
About once a year, KFC sounds better than a steak and lobster dinner. Then I go eat it, have heartburn for a week, and it’s another year until I get that craving again.
Fortunately for me I get heartburn thinking about KFC so I don’t have to go there once a year. Any more.
Used to eat at a place named Mike’s Hockey Burger. A hockey burger is a cheese burger with 2 grilled hot dogs. They are tasteeeyy. So a meal for me was hockey and fries with a shake. Guy I worked with would have the same and one to go to eat on the way back to work. And now my arteries clog up thinking about them. Ah to be young and hungry.
April 3rd, 2010 at 8:45 pm
So many nannies. Give it up
April 3rd, 2010 at 9:44 pm
How is this any different from a West Virginia Chicken Cordon Bleu?
.
April 3rd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
@ Freelancer
Fuck Cake!
Didn’t see the rest of your paragraph at first, because I was trying to imagine what Fuck Cake was. The mind was boggling (yet entertained).
I took it as an imperative.
April 3rd, 2010 at 10:16 pm
jesus, that thing just looks terrible. it’s still not as bad as hardee’s monster thickburger. what’s that, 1500 calories? a diet coke is a good pairing.
April 3rd, 2010 at 10:47 pm
As John Kerry might say, “Who among us does not love Mayan food?”
I honestly think they pulled this punch a bit; why not dip the whole thing in chocolate, then marshmallow fluff, popcorn shrimp, more chocolate, and then wrap the whole goddamn thing up in a funnel cake and deep fry it again? They could serve it with a bowl of meth and a loaded revolver. It could render this blog obsolete in one long weekend.
I’m pretty sure this is not a repost. Patton Oswalt at his best.
April 3rd, 2010 at 10:51 pm
It’s not that bad… well… relative to anything on This Is Why You’re Fat.
April 3rd, 2010 at 11:27 pm
After much SERIOUS DIETING, I am down 20lbs. Looking at this while eating a bowl of simmered leafy greens and 100 grams of lean white fish is a tad ironic, but not tempting. I’m saving all my love for a giant plate of homemade nachos and the biggest plate of sashimi I can cobble together. It’s gonna be long wait.
April 3rd, 2010 at 11:33 pm
You’ll notice that KFC waited until the passage of HCR to release this.
April 3rd, 2010 at 11:47 pm
Huh. Doesn’t look tempting in the least. Go figure.
April 4th, 2010 at 12:27 am
Um, the grilled version without a ton of cheese would be ridiculously Atkins-friendly. Which, for some of us, actually does mean less weight, a much better-looking lipid profile (insane, but true)... and constant veggie/fruit cravings. Strange old world, innit?
April 4th, 2010 at 12:59 am
@RSA:
God, that is a great line from like the greatest blues song ever! What is the name again? Pretty sure it was on that classic album Leadbelly Cooks! I’ll have to look it up.
April 4th, 2010 at 1:03 am
@Kirk Spencer:
I’m a junk-food junkie, but . . . eww. Just eww. R.I.P., Luther.
April 4th, 2010 at 1:09 am
@Chris:
And that is why I am SO there. Grilled version FTW. You all who can eat bread have no idea what a pain it is to be unable to just grab and bite something when you were raised to be able to and discover the bread is what’s killing you.
April 4th, 2010 at 3:59 am
I was laughing for five minutes straight reading that snark.
April 4th, 2010 at 4:54 am
And then dip the wad in melted chocolate FTW!
(Speaking of ThisIsWhyYoureFat: I have had an Irish eggroll… which is basically a deep-fried reuben sandwich replacing the rye bread with a wonton wrapper. It’s delicious, at least when made with decent ingredients. And, no, I do not CARE about the calorie / transfat count.)
April 4th, 2010 at 5:02 am
You know, this would be a nourishing meal if the chicken was pastured/free-range and grilled, not soaked in mystery batter and fried in GMO canola oil, the bacon was uncured, and the cheese was actual cheese made from raw milk, not that polyester-based “American” “cheese” crap.
But it’s not.
April 4th, 2010 at 6:55 am
I’m waiting for the advertisement: “Eat this and you’ll piss off a liberal!”
KFC definitely knows their market. You are overweight and struggling with health issues, with organic local-grow folks and various Jamie Olivers and other goodie-goods trying to unclench your fist from the sausage burrito …
F**k it! Double DOWN!
April 4th, 2010 at 7:57 am
Just looking at it makes me want to throw up.
Maybe it’s because I’m European. Maybe it’s because I’m a vegetarian (though I loved chicken wings when I still ate wings >3>). But seriously, this is just ….ugh.
April 4th, 2010 at 11:03 am