America’s Goats Need Your Help
John Cook, actual investigative journalist at Rush Limbaugh’s favorite “leftist gay gossip site” Gawker, cares about the happiness of his fellow B-list bloggers (not to mention those poor abused goats). He is “Introducing the Mickey Kaus Oppo Research Project”:
Slate blogger and union-buster Mickey Kaus is running for Senate in California. It’s kind of a gag—he doesn’t expect to win. But we’d like to make it a realistic experience for Mickey, and we need your help.
Kaus calls his run an “issue-raising” candidacy. He knows he has no chance of beating Barbara Boxer in the Democratic Primary, but he’s sick and tired of just blogging about how horrendous organized labor is, and he’s come to the disappointing realization that simply writing something in Slate doesn’t immediately change the national political environment by sheer force of counterintuitive Slate-iness…
So in order to rid his beloved Democratic Party of the scourge of unions, Kaus will now use the electoral process to launch a sham candidacy designed to elevate his own profile and highlight the issues he cares about. We’re all about public participation, and we think it’s a great idea. But given the utter and mathematical impossibility of Kaus actually winning the nomination, we fear that he’ll be denied the actual subjective experience of running for higher office. He’ll stump and fundraise and maybe even run ads, but the Boxer campaign will probably ignore him, and almost certainly won’t consider him important enough to attempt to ruin him with opposition research.
But Kaus is important to us, which is why we’re launching an oppo project of our own to make him feel like a real candidate. Beginning today, which is the deadline in California to file nomination papers to run in the June primary, we will begin researching Kaus within an inch of his life, just as the Boxer campaign would if they feared he might actually win. Property records, civil judgments, voting history, criminal history, professional history, you name it. We’ll of course comb through the hundreds of thousands (millions?) or words he’s written in his career, looking for examples of homophobic or racist statements he’s made. And we’ll touch base with old pals—like Ann Coulter—colleagues, girlfriends—like Arianna Huffington—classmates, etc., in search of embarrassing or damaging information, which we’ll assemble into a handy little dossier and publish here.
Kaus has written with insight about “the undernews”: The swirl of gossip and open secrets, often dredged up by oppo campaigns, that political reporters chatter about among themselves but rarely see fit to print until it bubbles to a head. So we’ll troll Kaus’ undernews trail to see what turns up, but we need your help: If you’ve heard anything about Kaus that might render him unfit for public office, or at the very least could help a political opponent rattle him, let us know. And if you know of any Kaus posts that, in retrospect, might seem ill-advised—like his defense of a bar that posted a “Fagots Stay Out” sign over the bar—send them our way.
We’ll pull together whatever we come up with—maybe nothing!—and post it here. Kaus is a great writer, a very smart man, and a genuine blogging pioneer, and we wish him nothing but the best in his campaign. We just think it would be a shame if he went to all that trouble without getting taken seriously. And you know they’re taking you seriously in politics when they start trying to destroy you.
I personally think Kaus is a Democrat in approximately the same sense that I am a vegan (I am eating a cheeseburger right this minute), and as for Cook’s final paragraph… well, Kaus probably qualifies as “a genuine blogging pioneer”. One who imported some of the least attractive habits of the “mainstream” Media Village Idiots into the pixelverse when it was still young and impressionable, but then we Americans tend to romanticize pioneers out of all proportion to their virtues. And I look forward to seeing what—“maybe nothing!”—Gawker will find worth publishing about Kaus’ vanity candidacy.
March 12, 2010 10:34 pm
Posted in: Assholes, Blogospheric Navel-Gazing, Our Failed Media Experiment
81 Comments
81 Responses
jimBOB - March 12, 2010 | 10:50 pm · Link
This is stuff in addition to the goat-blowing that they’re looking for, right?
Linda Featheringill - March 12, 2010 | 10:51 pm · Link
Hi, Anne,
I guess the nightowls aren’t out yet. Just sleepy little me.
But I find the post interesting. A way to play defense on the political scene other than coughing up cash or something. Hmmmm. Why not? That could be fun.
SiubhanDuinne - March 12, 2010 | 10:52 pm · Link
OMG, now we have Goat Rescue threads??
Jon H - March 12, 2010 | 10:52 pm · Link
Kaus’ thing with unions is like a political party version of the crazy people who really, really, really feel like one of their perfectly good limbs just doesn’t belong and needs to be cut off.
Mark S. - March 12, 2010 | 10:54 pm · Link
I’ve never paid much attention to Kaus. Why does he hate unions so much?
Yutsano - March 12, 2010 | 10:54 pm · Link
If Kaus is a closet case of the highest order my initial reaction will be to bust a gut. After that I’ll throw some cash over to Boxer just because she really has been a damn good Senator. I know, I know, Boxer really has zero to worry about. But still, if I can make the points that I want a responsible government, I’ll be happy to support that cause.
Oh and my brother owns a goat. A single solitary male goat. Yes this is bad for goats. I imagine head from Mickey isn’t much better.
JK - March 12, 2010 | 10:56 pm · Link
Mickey Kaus is a Democrat in approximately the same sense that Sarah Palin is a literate person.
Jason Bylinowski - March 12, 2010 | 10:57 pm · Link
Mickey Kaus is just part of the crew that just HAS to go against the grain no matter what. Of course he’s not a Democrat, but actually admitting he’s a moderate Republican wouldn’t get him any attention at all, and we can’t have that.
Anyway, I wish him a long campaign only because by the end of it he could conceivably wind up a broken, blubbering offal pile we once called a man.
jron - March 12, 2010 | 10:59 pm · Link
the optimistic cheerfulness of Cook’s post is somewhat inspiring. makes me disappointed I know nothing about Kaus.
on the other hand, it would be irresponsible not to at least speculate.
mr. whipple - March 12, 2010 | 10:59 pm · Link
@jimBOB:
“This is stuff in addition to the goat-blowing that they’re looking for, right?”
Kaus blows goats? I seem to have a vague memory of hearing such things.
LosGatosCA - March 12, 2010 | 11:01 pm · Link
Mickey, Mickey, Mickey.
When will you ever grow up?
Short Bus Bully - March 12, 2010 | 11:06 pm · Link
Vanity, thy name is Kaus.
Because every political blogger just KNOWS deep down that they can be a better candidate than [insert name of any politician here] who keeps his bribes in the freezer and sexually mauls the interns… If only someone would just ASK him!
Also.
slag - March 12, 2010 | 11:12 pm · Link
@jron:
I had the exact same reaction. I wish my speculations were as interesting as the goat-pleasing realities.
JK - March 12, 2010 | 11:14 pm · Link
Anne,
The only good thing about the incredibly execrable Mickey Kaus is his cool campaign song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4CyNvEfWoE
General Egali Tarian Stuck - March 12, 2010 | 11:15 pm · Link
OT
Puppies on a tear.
Mike Kay - March 12, 2010 | 11:19 pm · Link
o/t why do PO advocates insist there are 50 senate votes for a PO, when only 41 senators have signed the petition and when liberals like Feingold refuse to sign?
It seems to me this is the blogger version of the Harry Reid scam. Reid, along with schumer and Harkin insisted there was 60 votes for a public option, even though Blanche Lincoln insisted she would never vote against her paymasters. Now bloggers insist there are 50 votes, even though Feingold refuses to sign on.
ThresherK - March 12, 2010 | 11:19 pm · Link
Seeing as how the host has already run a sham candidacy and, akin to Kaus, is the most self-admitted concern troller for Dems in the videoverse: Is Kaus gullible enough to fall for a Colbert interview?
(It is so noted that many peoples’ answer to every jerk is “They ought to be eviscerated by Colbert”.)
Chad S - March 12, 2010 | 11:27 pm · Link
“issue-raising”=”settling scores with journalists/bloggers who pointed out how big a douche Kaus is”
Barry - March 12, 2010 | 11:30 pm · Link
@mr. whipple:
mr. whipple
“Kaus blows goats? I seem to have a vague memory of hearing such things.”
I also seem to recall this being a topic of discussion; there is a controversy over this. It’s legitimate to discuss controversy, right?
mr. whipple - March 12, 2010 | 11:36 pm · Link
@Barry:
I
I think so, Barry. But maybe I’m just being a busybody. I think we should track down some of the goats he blew, and find out whether this goat blowing was consensual or not.
jron - March 12, 2010 | 11:39 pm · Link
@mr. whipple: of course it’s possible the goats will refuse to say anything.
and only a categorical denial by the goats could prove it is not true.
Goatsie - March 12, 2010 | 11:45 pm · Link
Though he might usually suck, i can guarantee that Mickey Kaus definitely blows. Often.
Very well.
AhabTRuler - March 12, 2010 | 11:50 pm · Link
No, no, no! You can’t let Kaus weasel out of it by letting the goats stonewall you. Only a clear and explicit denial from the goat-blower himself will settle the goat-blowing issues.
I mean, Kaus doesn’t really have anything to hide, does he? Why won’t he answer these legitimate questions about his activities?
XD
kommrade reproductive vigor - March 12, 2010 | 11:50 pm · Link
Don’t kid around. This will add new and horrific meaning to the phrase “nanny gate.”
kilo - March 12, 2010 | 11:55 pm · Link
@kommrade reproductive vigor: This comment can’t be bleat.
Anton Sirius - March 12, 2010 | 11:58 pm · Link
@mr. whipple:
Most goats don’t live much beyond 18 years old, and minors legally can’t give consent.
Warren Terra - March 13, 2010 | 12:03 am · Link
Kaus trumpeted every scurrilous rumor about a Dem and celebrated when one held up. We should tell the stories of each and every goat Kaus might have blown in case one such rumor similarly proves true.
Mike Kay - March 13, 2010 | 12:08 am · Link
@General Egali Tarian Stuck:
ya know, the mainstream blogosphere didn’t support obama. The vast overwhelming majority of the MSB supported Edwards. I can’t think of a single high profile blogger that supported Obama. Not one. Even Cole supported Dodd. GOS used to put up straw polls, and Edwards consistently beat Obama by a 2 to 1 margin. Yet, like Howard Dean, considerable online support didn’t translate to the ballot box, as Edwards, the former VP candidate received a mere 17% of the vote in New Hampshire. Hell, Hillary who was hated and loathed by the MSB won New Hampshire. There’s a clear disconnect btwn the butthurters and the ballot box.
robertdsc - March 13, 2010 | 12:10 am · Link
@Mike Kay:
I’m fucking sick of the caterwauling about the PO. Lining up the votes for passage is hard enough. Throwing the PO on top makes it that much harder. Hell, Alan Grayson is already starting the groundwork for the next step with his Medicare buy-in bill. It would be a treat to have such a plan ready to plug into the new framework if it fucking passes.
Mike Kay - March 13, 2010 | 12:12 am · Link
@Warren Terra: He really is as discussing as it gets. Two weeks before the 2004 election, he pushed a neo-con smear saying Kerry had been dishonorably discharged from the Navy.
Mike Kay - March 13, 2010 | 12:20 am · Link
@robertdsc: I just don’t get the lying. It’s as bad as anything the neo-cons ever did with their Orwellian language. The can only muster 41 signatures, yet they insist 50 votes exist. The laws of mathematics have not been repeals.
Mike in NC - March 13, 2010 | 12:22 am · Link
Please add an entry to the BJ lexicon, sir.
trollhattan - March 13, 2010 | 12:24 am · Link
The love that dare not bleat its name.
“Mister Kaus, you stand (on four hooves) accused of blowing goats; how do you plead?”
“Naaaah.”
Compared to Whitman and Poizner he may accidentally raise the level of discourse this campaign season. Please shoot me now.
kommrade reproductive vigor - March 13, 2010 | 12:29 am · Link
@kilo: I had to ruminate on it a bit.
Sorry, I’ll cud it out now.
PeakVT - March 13, 2010 | 12:41 am · Link
@General Egali Tarian Stuck: Finches playing guitar, and a baby dolphin.
Warren Terra - March 13, 2010 | 12:43 am · Link
@Mike Kay:
Hilzoy supported Obama strongly and early. I think Yglesias did, too. Not sure about Ezra Klein. And Sully managed to simultaneously back Obama and Ron Paul.
kilo - March 13, 2010 | 12:45 am · Link
@kommrade reproductive vigor: These horrible puns need to stop.
Ungulate one go, a whole bunch more will follow.
Ecks - March 13, 2010 | 12:46 am · Link
So long as he’s staying away from the kids is all I ask.
Or give it in her name to Stupack’s challenger. That might be more bang for the buck.
justme - March 13, 2010 | 12:54 am · Link
I’ll just leave this here.
Yutsano - March 13, 2010 | 12:54 am · Link
@Ecks: Good point, as Boxer is a great fundraiser. The subtlety will of course be lost on Mr Poopypants Stupak though. It’d make me feel more productive.
justme - March 13, 2010 | 12:58 am · Link
And, while upon further inspection, this appears not to be about Mickey’s campaign, somehow it doesn’t feel entirely out of place.
justme - March 13, 2010 | 1:05 am · Link
Also, too, should Mr Kaus, by some bizarre twist of fate, actually lose his Senatorial bid, I think I have an idea as to where his talents might be appreciated in government.
kommrade reproductive vigor - March 13, 2010 | 1:06 am · Link
@kilo: OK, I’m leaving. Where’s mah hat. And mah goat?
trollhattan - March 13, 2010 | 1:10 am · Link
Kaus’ first diplomatic faux pas: “Oh, I thought you said ‘goat’s bidet!’”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadegh_Ghotbzadeh
MattR - March 13, 2010 | 1:15 am · Link
@justme: I am very tempted to buy one of those shirts and take it to a local place to get “Kaus 2010” put on the back. For an added bit of fun, the name of that local store is the Tee Bag.
FlipYrWhig - March 13, 2010 | 1:36 am · Link
The only thing I’ve ever heard about this Mickey Kaus is this joke. I’ve never read something he’s written. Never had his name come up in any context other than goat fellatio.
Was there some moment during which he was actually significant for some reason? When was that? And why?
asiangrrlMN - March 13, 2010 | 2:30 am · Link
@Yutsano: Hi, hon. You still up?
@FlipYrWhig: Apparently, he was one of the first ever bloggers or some such thing. Or so I’ve heard. Mostly, the joke thing, though.
Warren Terra - March 13, 2010 | 2:37 am · Link
FlipYrWhig,
He wrote for opinion mags back in the day, and was an influential voice for Welfare Reform. And was one of the first paid bloggers & as such was prominent (and often hated) in 2002 or so.
Yutsano - March 13, 2010 | 2:39 am · Link
@asiangrrlMN: I’m still awake and aware. I’m corresponding with FH #1 and was in the middle of an extended e-mail. I’m not meaning to be neglectful here. Although we need to talk about this you getting me into a dress thingie…
wasabi gasp - March 13, 2010 | 2:56 am · Link
Why even care if there’s a there there?
Here a there. Mehhhhh.
There a there. Mehhhhh.
Old McKeyKaus had a farm.
Ahhhoooogahh.
Honk. Honk.
Mehhhhh.
asiangrrlMN - March 13, 2010 | 2:58 am · Link
@Yutsano: Oooh, you and FH#1 are plotting something deliciously secretive. Hey. I think you would be cute in a dress. At least the way I picture you in my mind (and yeah, you’re beefy in my mind).
@wasabi gasp: How many plus are you right now?
Yutsano - March 13, 2010 | 3:01 am · Link
@asiangrrlMN: There was an old tradition when I was in college the night before football games called ICB. The band dressed up in the craziest outfits we could find/assemble and ran around playing at various frat parties, at dorms, the President of the university’s house, and anywhere else that wanted us there. I used to have a rainbow colored muumuu that was pure polyester straight out of the 70’s. The thing was WILD. I think I still have it stored away somewhere…
asiangrrlMN - March 13, 2010 | 3:05 am · Link
@Yutsano: Oooooh! Next time we make a bet, it’s gonna be you in that muumuu.
wasabi gasp - March 13, 2010 | 3:07 am · Link
@asiangrrlMN:
I haven’t plussed for about ten years.
And my bong hasn’t bubbled since last.
Now I have a sad.
asiangrrlMN - March 13, 2010 | 3:13 am · Link
@wasabi gasp: So you came up with that sober? Even more impressive!
Yutsano - March 13, 2010 | 3:18 am · Link
@asiangrrlMN: Mmm…I love the smell of stream of consciousness in the morning. And I’d rather surrender the cookies than put on that sartorial mishegas ever again. Although it was kinda comfy come to think of it…
BethanyAnne - March 13, 2010 | 3:22 am · Link
OT. I’m so frustrated at the moment. I had a great interview last week, and was waiting on the call back. They even said to my recruiter “We definitely want her, if not for the first position, then for one starting in 2 weeks.”
Recruiter was supposed to get back with me by Thursday. I get an email from him about 20 minutes ago saying “Didn’t work out, sorry”
GaaaAAA!
No clue why, and it’s pretty obvious that that means the 2nd option from them is a no-go, too. It’s the not knowing that makes it even worse.
I’ve had a really good week with interviews, and this isn’t the only job I’m up for, but I’m really frustrated and pissy. [/endrant]
Yutsano - March 13, 2010 | 3:25 am · Link
@BethanyAnne: Awww man that bites. Here’s hoping things get better from here.
asiangrrlMN - March 13, 2010 | 3:27 am · Link
@Yutsano: Come on! In my mind, you make a reallllllly cute girl!
@BethanyAnne: Oh, I’m sorry. That’s sucky, and the lack of good communication makes it even more frustration. Positive vibes that something good will turn up from the other interviews.
BethanyAnne - March 13, 2010 | 3:34 am · Link
Thanks, y’all :)
In a way, I’m glad that the news hit when it did. My next interview is Monday, and this gives me a little time to get that out of my system.
asiangrrlMN - March 13, 2010 | 3:38 am · Link
@BethanyAnne: And then kick some major interview booty!
Yutsano - March 13, 2010 | 3:44 am · Link
@BethanyAnne: This is why the FSM gave us weekends: to get pissed and shake off the week while getting ready for the new one. Tomorrow really is another day even if Gone With the Wind really is a terrible movie. The book ain’t much better.
bago - March 13, 2010 | 3:58 am · Link
Heh, I stayed in D.C. With a former Ron Paul staffer. Compared to the rest of the republican sorts, he was refreshingly sane.
Also, with regards to the whole goat thing, Kaus WAS right about Edwards. Kerry, not so much.
the farmer - March 13, 2010 | 6:20 am · Link
#62 – Tomorrow really is another day even if Gone With the Wind really is a terrible movie. The book ain’t much better.
Several years ago (about 10 or 12, seems like yesterday) I tried to convince a writer for the wingnutty Chattanooga Times (who was writing an article on the “funniest” movies ever made) that Gone With The Wind was a satirical take on the tragicomedy genre. And therefore one of the funniest movies ever made. Essentially a satiritragic hootenomedy, in the great southern tradition of such things (A Streetcar Named Desire is another example of the genre). Anyway, it didn’t work out too well. He didn’t like my attitude. Fortunatetly for me they didn’t hire Eric Rudolph to kill me (at least I don’t think they did).
*
Ann B. Nonymous - March 13, 2010 | 6:39 am · Link
The holy grail of all opposition research: the Goatey tape.
IM - March 13, 2010 | 6:44 am · Link
A great writer? I admit that I am prejudiced bacause the guy seems to be quite the dogmatic neoliberal.
But even on subjects where he seems to be more reasonable his blog is a unreadable rambling. Even Somerby is a better writer.
WereBear - March 13, 2010 | 7:13 am · Link
You mean he’s a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad writer?
someguy - March 13, 2010 | 7:26 am · Link
I hope they destroy him. It’s what he deserves for being a turncoat, or at best a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Cindiloohoo - March 13, 2010 | 7:54 am · Link
Isn’t blowing a goat part of some sort of Satanic ritual? Perhaps the really big story here is that Mr. Kaus pals around with Satan.
Michael D. - March 13, 2010 | 9:02 am · Link
Kaus is retarded in the same sense that Sarah Palin’s baby, Tri-g, is retarded.
Oh, wait. This is true.
On the upside, he hates Andrew Sullivan as much as the rest of you do!
Frank - March 13, 2010 | 9:37 am · Link
This is a perfect way to treat Kaus, and it reflects my own response to the proliferation of “contrarian ” assholes over the past twenty years. You know those people of whom it’s often said :” they dont even mean half of what they say!” My joke is to take them seriously and nail them for being shitheads- but dont worry, I dont really mean it.
Hawes - March 13, 2010 | 9:47 am · Link
This is so full of win, that the win is slopping over the sides and getting on my shoes.
Perry Como - March 13, 2010 | 10:25 am · Link
If your MO is to say that every politician is having an affair, eventually you will be right.
bago - March 13, 2010 | 10:50 am · Link
@Perry Como: You’d have better luck with the gay these days.
Warren Terra - March 13, 2010 | 11:40 am · Link
@Michael D.:
If you mean he’s developmentally delayed, that emotionally or cognitively he doesn’t show the faculties appropriate to his age, then OK.
Otherwise, WTF?
Bruce Webb - March 13, 2010 | 11:42 am · Link
@FlipYrWhig: “Was there some moment during which he was actually significant for some reason? When was that? And why?”
Absolutely. Slate was the future of the blogosphere, backed by Microsoft’s money and with a big time MSM/TV guy named Michael Kinsley it was for a time kind of the center of everything.
Here is Mike talking about the first ten years. http://www.slate.com/id/2143232/
And KausFiles was a big part of it. But the suckitude factor grew big particularly as Slate became an adjunct of the Bush message machine a factoid maybe explained by this:
“In Washington, we sublet space from the American Enterprise Institute. The rent included feeding privileges in the conservative think tank’s almost-lavish dining room, where young Slatesters could chow down with eminences of the right like Robert Bork, Jeane Kirkpatrick, and Irving Kristol.”
They were doomed right out of the starting gates. Even the power of Microsoft wasn’t enough to lift that weight off those impressionable kids.
jcricket - March 13, 2010 | 11:43 am · Link
Kaus is a Democrat the same way Sully is a intellectual.
Of course you could also say Sully is an intellectual the way Kaus contributes to our political discourse.
Works on multiple levels.
I think “contrarianism” jumped the shark with the Freakonomics guys and their excreble anti-global-warming jihad.
FlipYrWhig - March 13, 2010 | 12:11 pm · Link
@Bruce Webb: Ah, OK, I totally forgot that Slate used to be a big deal. I guess I started reading the next wave rather than the first wave: I remember Atrios and DailyKos and Eric Alterman from ‘02 or so, and I remember Glenn Reynolds and Andrew Sullivan as blog celebrities, but not Kaus. Is Kaus the guy who puts in all those bracketed asides from the supposed editor?
gocart mozart - March 13, 2010 | 3:06 pm · Link
Somewhat on topic, I coined a nickname for that great septic tank of a radio clown:
“Oxycotin Mather”
What do y’all think?
Kiril - March 13, 2010 | 8:51 pm · Link
@gocart mozart:
win
BruinKid - March 14, 2010 | 4:23 am · Link
It should be noted the “Mickey Kaus blows goats” began after he didn’t believe John Edwards’ denial of the affair with Rielle Hunter.
Still, at the time, given what we knew then, Kaus was engaging in the worst Peggy Noonaning possible.