Ratz takes a holiday
When you get right down to it, this (via NoMoreMisterNiceGuy) is ultimately more benign than uniting Christians for the coming holy war with Islam, though the apostrophe here makes the holiday look a little more Islamic:
The Vatican issued the warning through its official newspaper, L’Osservatore Romano, in an article headlined “Hallowe’en’s Dangerous Messages”.
The paper quoted a liturgical expert, Joan Maria Canals, who said: “Hallowe’en has an undercurrent of occultism and is absolutely anti-Christian.”
Parents should “be aware of this and try to direct the meaning of the feast towards wholesomeness and beauty rather than terror, fear and death,” said Father Canals, a member of a Spanish commission on church rites.
October 31, 2009 8:05 pm
Posted in: General Stupidity
104 Comments
104 Responses
General Winfield Stuck - October 31, 2009 | 8:08 pm · Link
Didn’t they once have a different name for this? Lets see, dern just slips my mind.
Polish the Guillotines - October 31, 2009 | 8:12 pm · Link
Father Guido Sarducci, HELP!
Notorious P.A.T. - October 31, 2009 | 8:13 pm · Link
Remember: it is the official position of Christianity that witches, warlocks, sorcerers, etc. actually exist. If you are a Christian, you should believe in the literal reality of those things, too.
Cain - October 31, 2009 | 8:14 pm · Link
I suppose we can change the name to “All Saints Day” instead eh?
cain
The Grand Panjandrum - October 31, 2009 | 8:16 pm · Link
I worry about the demons in candy.
Keith G - October 31, 2009 | 8:17 pm · Link
Fix’d.
c u n d gulag - October 31, 2009 | 8:17 pm · Link
The scariest costume that I can think of is to dress up as a priest. I won’t go into any details about any other accessories, but I’m sure you can imagine the worst.
Keith G - October 31, 2009 | 8:18 pm · Link
@General Winfield Stuck: Too fast for me.
Anne Laurie - October 31, 2009 | 8:19 pm · Link
Dude, we had that day marked off centuries before you monomaniac-theists swarmed out of the Middle East like tool-bearing fire ants. The fact that you’re anti-pagan doesn’t automatically mean pagans are anti-Christian.
Heck, “terror, fear & death” is all Pope Ratzenfuhrer and his Spanish Inquisition have left. Let the little kids dress up and run around in crazed sugar highs, already!
Oh, wait, I forgot that Pat Robertson just let us know that America’s great candy-producing megacorporations have actual witches praying demonically over most of tonight’s fun bars. I’m sure P&G or the Mars Corporation wouldn’t mind at all if Padre Canals showed up with his personal prayer squad to provide multicultural credentialism, though…
Citizen_X - October 31, 2009 | 8:19 pm · Link
Yeah, whose idea was it to have an “All Saint’s Day” and an “All Hallow’s Eve,” anyway? Oh, here it is: apparently, it was some Christian sect called The Roman Fucking Catholic Church. Blame those guys.
And “terror, fear and death?” Seems to me you guys have been pretty good at that through history, yourselves.
asdf - October 31, 2009 | 8:20 pm · Link
“terror, fear and death”
Not so long ago that was called “shock and awe”. Where were these religious people when the game was real?
General Winfield Stuck - October 31, 2009 | 8:22 pm · Link
@The Grand Panjandrum:
Man, they are running out of material.
MikeJ - October 31, 2009 | 8:24 pm · Link
No one expects the Spanish commission on church rites!
MobiusKlein - October 31, 2009 | 8:26 pm · Link
What a killjoy.
next on the list, Dia de los muertos.
Can we get a new pope, please? One that allows condoms too.
Balconesfault - October 31, 2009 | 8:28 pm · Link
Next year I’m gonna call the pro-life crowd and tell them I’m getting my certification to perform abortions … the demonstration they’ll roll out in front of my yard will have to save me from putting any time into decorating the place.
If Canals wants scary, he should see 400x photos of aborted fetuses being shown to elementary school kids.
Lavocat - October 31, 2009 | 8:31 pm · Link
Can’t Satan get a little love?
KCinDC - October 31, 2009 | 8:32 pm · Link
“The official position of Christianity”? Next you’ll be telling us about the official position of Islam. You might notice that there’s no head of Christianity, no official body that determines its positions. What the pope says is completely irrelevant to Christians who are not Catholics.
electricgrendel - October 31, 2009 | 8:35 pm · Link
You know- I’ll be a little more receptive the Christianist stupidity regarding Halloween when they start a crusade against the Easter bunny and start talking about how the birth of Christ actually did not occur at the time of the Roman saturnalia.
The only problem these fanatics have with Halloween is that their church ancestors couldn’t figure out a convenient Christian feast holiday to use to coopt the religious significance of Samhain in indigenous Celtic religions.
General Winfield Stuck - October 31, 2009 | 8:37 pm · Link
Do you want to see something really scary/
AhabTRuler - October 31, 2009 | 8:38 pm · Link
Well, not according to him, but that’s what makes the whole kerfuffle fun!
Steeplejack - October 31, 2009 | 8:39 pm · Link
@General Winfield Stuck:
I thought you said scary, not sickening!
Polish the Guillotines - October 31, 2009 | 8:40 pm · Link
I’m all for labeling this The Christian War On Candy®.
Who’s with me?
+1 (in preparation for the incessant door-knocking.)
Mike in NC - October 31, 2009 | 8:42 pm · Link
@ General Winfield Stuck
Who knew Cruella DeVille had a snowmobile?
Citizen_X - October 31, 2009 | 8:47 pm · Link
@Mike in NC: Snow machine, you east coast elitiest!
Delia - October 31, 2009 | 8:48 pm · Link
@Anne Laurie:
Surely you know that P&G is a contributing member of the Church of Satan. I even got an email about it one time many years ago.
Snopes documents the absurdities.
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 8:49 pm · Link
nomoremister.blogspot.com is not no more mister nice guy.
btw, I loved what you put on your Facebook.
Cheryl from Maryland - October 31, 2009 | 8:50 pm · Link
Candy, costumes and jack o’ lanterns are wholesomeness and beauty. Dried up old farts.
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 8:50 pm · Link
@Steeplejack:
btw, I loved what you put on your Facebook.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 8:51 pm · Link
@General Winfield Stuck: Nobody expects it.
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 8:51 pm · Link
@Polish the Guillotines:
Awesome again. FTW.
btw, I loved what you put on your Facebook.
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 8:53 pm · Link
@MobiusKlein:
No. satsq. btw, I loved what you put on your Facebook.
toujoursdan - October 31, 2009 | 8:59 pm · Link
@Notorious P.A.T.:
Oh c’mon. When has Christianity had an official position on anything? We’re talking about a spectrum of belief that runs from liberal Episcopalians and Quakers who are tend to be agnostics 6 days a week, to the Branch Davidians and Pentecostals who believe there are demons in every shadow. Christians don’t agree on much of anything.
Maybe Catholicism officially believes these things literally exist, but even in that case the laity is far more progressive than the boys in Rome. Most of the lay Catholics I know just rolls their eyes whenever Rome has anything to say.
My Episcopal Church had a party for all the neighbourhood kids. There were adults and kids dressed up in all kinds of costumes. The scariest were the Sarah Palin lookalikes.
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 9:04 pm · Link
@toujoursdan:
Ask Christ. Did He even call himself that?
btw, I loved what you put on your Facebook.
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 9:05 pm · Link
ok, I’m done with the creepy Facebook fake stalking. not funny?
General Winfield Stuck - October 31, 2009 | 9:07 pm · Link
@MelodyMaker:
I think you set some kind of record.
Martin - October 31, 2009 | 9:07 pm · Link
Um, no. According to the Pope, all those other guys are posers. The only one who gets to talk to God is him. Accordingly, he gets to speak for everyone.
Personally, I think the villagers hopeful holy war is premature. How can the Catholics hope to wipe out the Muslims with all of those protestants in the way?
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 9:07 pm · Link
I suppose Il Papa, that fine, upstanding alumnus of the Hitlerjugend, considers the Monty Python Sketch Anticipation Commission of Siglo XV to have been an exemplar of “wholesomeness and beauty rather than terror, fear and death”. I would like to see him seated in the Comfy Chair of Electricity.
Polish the Guillotines - October 31, 2009 | 9:08 pm · Link
@MelodyMaker:
You had me going, but shark officially jumped @ post 30.
PaulW - October 31, 2009 | 9:09 pm · Link
Boy its a good thing we Unitarians are a little more relaxed about kids and adults dressing up as pirate ghosts (or is that ghost pirates?) to convince other more gullible adults into handing over all their candies to us.
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAaaaaaaaa
MikeJ - October 31, 2009 | 9:11 pm · Link
If you accept the canon, even when Hay-seuss was around there were people calling themselves christians who thought this guy really didn’t understand it all and wanted a temporal revolutionary movement.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 9:13 pm · Link
@MelodyMaker: Actually, Facebook is a resource for identity theft through aggregation of bits (no pun) of personal information scattered about by Facebookers and Friends in blissful ignorance of data mining and aggregation techniques. Hard to believe, innit?
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 9:17 pm · Link
Vincent Furnier is veddy sceddy.
Steve M and aimai are just writers.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 9:17 pm · Link
For some reason (or no rational reason at all) a Facebook hazard I mentioned Chad N Freude is in moderation. Perhaps mention of idientitie theffut has to go into the WordPress airlock.
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 9:18 pm · Link
link fail?
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 9:19 pm · Link
@PaulW: I have been told that Unitarians believe in one God. At most.
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 9:21 pm · Link
@Chad N Freude:
true, dat. some apps are frightening if you think for just a minute before saying “oh, sure, what could happen?” be careful.
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 9:23 pm · Link
@Chad N Freude:
If, you know, you have time and If it’s convenient. hah!
Keillor. APHC. prairiehome.org
Steph - October 31, 2009 | 9:25 pm · Link
For Quakers (though there are a few different flavors of Quakerism) every moment should be holy and sacramental. That’s why there are no sacraments or holy days. So seven days a week you seek the will of the spirit, or inner light, and seek to see “that of God” in every person you encounter.
I think any Quaker who is “agnostic six days a week” isn’t really trying.
I am slowly, painfully disengaging from the Catholic faith. Stories like this one make it a wee bit easier. And my boys had a heck of a time knocking on doors and demanding candy tonight.
MikeJ - October 31, 2009 | 9:27 pm · Link
@Chad N Freude: The last time I told that joke online I was immediately beset by pantheistic Unitarians,
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 9:28 pm · Link
@MelodyMaker: The technical term for what you said is “What could go wrong?”. Often prefaced by “Hey”.
And it doesn’t require any apps, although they certainly can make the aggregator’s job easier. Or be secret aggregators themselves.
HRA - October 31, 2009 | 9:32 pm · Link
@General Winfield Stuck:
“Man, they are running out of material.”
They ran out years ago. It’s recycled material. I doubt many of their flock will pay attention now as well. Actually very few pay attention to any of their pontificating any way.
Yes – I believe it’s a fun time for the kids and should not be spoiled by anyone.
Reason60 - October 31, 2009 | 9:36 pm · Link
OK, as a lifelong Catholic, all I can say to Fr. Canals is…
Oy vey, what a putz.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 9:37 pm · Link
OK, OK, OK! Please un-dogpile. I’m sorry for posting a joke that’s older than I am and that everyone has heard a million times. How can I make it up to the community? Oh, wait, the community is politically liberal. Any penance that satisfies some will be insufficient for others. Just run me through the Ostracizer and I’ll be good as new.
An attempt at redemption: Before Rat zinger became Pope, Was he Brother Rat zinger? (If you bother to click the link, scrolldown and look at the cast.)
kommrade reproductive vigor - October 31, 2009 | 9:37 pm · Link
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 9:38 pm · Link
@Reason60: Your Latin is flawless.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 9:40 pm · Link
@kommrade reproductive vigor: Take a look at @Chad N Freude.
Anne Laurie - October 31, 2009 | 9:43 pm · Link
@Chad N Freude:
When I was living in Michigan, James Blanchard almost lost the gubernatorial race to a virulent fundieCatholic for saying “I’m a Unitarian; the last time Jesus Christ got mentioned in our church was when the janitor fell down the stairs.”
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 9:50 pm · Link
@Chad N Freude:
that does it. I’m switching to myspace.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 9:54 pm · Link
While waiting for people to stop beating me about the head and shoulders, I found this via HuffPost. Short version: The Boulder CO police are offended. Read it and weep.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 9:55 pm · Link
@MelodyMaker: Good move. It’s so-o-o much safer.
toujoursdan - October 31, 2009 | 9:56 pm · Link
@Martin:
According to the Eastern Orthodox, who are arguably the original church, the Pope is a usurper and Catholics are heretics. According to the Anglicans the Pope is the Bishop of Rome and the focal point for Christian unity but no more than that. According to most Protestants, the Pope is anything from the most important symbol of Christianity to the anti-Christ.
So my point about Christians not agreeing on anything still stands.
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 9:59 pm · Link
@kommrade reproductive vigor:
out f’n standing.
btw, I..your Facebook thing? that was cool.
OT, but I want Guv T-Paw to stand up and opt out of Medicaid. He just might, the shitwit. He has to kiss the ring of the SarahPAC, AND he is still the elected chief exec of a state. what a dumbass. sooo funny, this guy. Go Tim!
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 9:59 pm · Link
@Anne Laurie: Many years ago, a relative (whom I did not know personally), became a Unitarian minister (if that’s the proper term. Correct me if not.) Half my family, of the Hebrew persuasion, was shocked! Shocked! The other half, of the Hebrew-but-I-don’t-really-care persuasion was amused.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 10:00 pm · Link
@toujoursdan: You make Christians sound like Jews.
Mike in NC - October 31, 2009 | 10:01 pm · Link
Pope Rat Fink? You’re probably not old enough…
toujoursdan - October 31, 2009 | 10:02 pm · Link
@MelodyMaker:
Really? You like that I was in the ER getting an infection treated?
You need a life or some therapy ;-)
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 10:03 pm · Link
@Mike in NC: Dude, check the link. I’m more than old enough, I remembered the movie.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 10:05 pm · Link
And why was this not addressed to everyone who comments here?
Cain - October 31, 2009 | 10:12 pm · Link
I suppose we will be waiting for awhile for Fox News to start screaming “War on Halloween” right?
cain
toujoursdan - October 31, 2009 | 10:12 pm · Link
@Chad N Freude:
But Jews are so much more sane about all this than Christians…
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 10:16 pm · Link
@toujoursdan:
Hey, hey. nonono. I’ve had my share of medical umm humm too, eh? what I is saying is that Tim thinks he can talk like he does without policy and political consistency. His shtick is to be a dick. unfortunately, that’s how he does his job, too.
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 10:23 pm · Link
and I need to better read. or not.
kommrade reproductive vigor - October 31, 2009 | 10:26 pm · Link
Shorter RCC: The only place children should get candy is the special pocket in our cassocks.
I keed. Sorta.
To be fair, I was raised RC and I’ve never heard Halloween was a no-no.
Hmm, what? It’s a once powerful but now disgraced and increasingly ignored organization scrabbling for a bit of relevancy … What do Republicans have to do with anything … Oh. Got it.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 10:26 pm · Link
@toujoursdan: You may not be familiar with the aphorism that if you have two Jews in a room, they will have three opinions. Sanity is in the eye ear nose and throat of the beholder.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 10:30 pm · Link
@kommrade reproductive vigor: You know, they are really, r-e-a-l-l-y worried about the inroads being made by Protestant evangelicalism in America Latina.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 10:32 pm · Link
@kommrade reproductive vigor: If I wasn’t clear, I was referring to the Pope-ery, not the Rupubliban (not a typo).
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 10:34 pm · Link
@Chad N Freude: That should have been “Pope-pourri”. Hey, it’s late, what can I tell you?
noncarborundum - October 31, 2009 | 10:35 pm · Link
@Chad N Freude:
Eheu! Talis mentula!
MelodyMaker - October 31, 2009 | 10:42 pm · Link
ya know what?
Comrade Darkness - October 31, 2009 | 10:50 pm · Link
@Chad N Freude: Nah, it’s either none of them, or all of them. But certainly not ONE, only.
General Winfield Stuck - October 31, 2009 | 10:57 pm · Link
this thread must be enigma code of sorts, have no idea what’s being said, but it is fascinating.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 11:01 pm · Link
Another reason to avoid Facebook. Unless you’re cool with it.
Jackmormon - October 31, 2009 | 11:01 pm · Link
I hope to see much more about the Al-Owe’en Menace.
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 11:02 pm · Link
@General Winfield Stuck: We’re just Turing the Internet.
kommrade reproductive vigor - October 31, 2009 | 11:05 pm · Link
What you’ve been drinking. Sounds like you’re having a lot of fun with it.
Owch!
John B. - October 31, 2009 | 11:14 pm · Link
Between this and the candy demon lady, do you think we can get O’Reilly to declare that there is a War on Halloween?
Chad N Freude - October 31, 2009 | 11:14 pm · Link
@kommrade reproductive vigor: I just knocked over a glass of wine. Go ahead, make fun, but remember, it’s some uncounted number of precious milliliters of Pinot Grigio that have been denied their true destiny. I expect the pro-winers to be at my door with their guns at any moment.
gnomedad - October 31, 2009 | 11:27 pm · Link
@John B.:
An apt phrase. I have always found it convenient for smoking out people with absolutely no sense of humor.
bago - October 31, 2009 | 11:30 pm · Link
@Chad N Freude: Only users lose drugs.
Steph - October 31, 2009 | 11:43 pm · Link
And now the church is asking Bolivians to stop putting hats on human skulls. What next?
http://www.google.com/hostedne.....NIaqrSJv7A
Mike G - November 1, 2009 | 12:12 am · Link
“...try to direct the meaning of the feast towards wholesomeness and beauty rather than terror, fear and death,”
“which is the job of Bush Assministration foreign policy,” he should have added.
techno - November 1, 2009 | 1:48 am · Link
The Pope’s REAL beef with Halloween is that it also celebrates the day when the more enlightened parts of Christianity stopped taking seriously old goats like him.
True story. When I was a kid, my Lutheran Preacher father made us kids listen to the “heroic” story of the 95 thesis before we could go out trick or treating.
Cyrus - November 1, 2009 | 2:48 am · Link
@Chad N Freude:
Well, if you died a noteworthy death or lived a noteworthy life, reporters try to use it (or any impromptu “in memory of” groups friends may have set up) to reach your friends and family beyond the very limited circle that can be found by more old-fashioned means, and ask them for quotes.
Dream On - November 1, 2009 | 3:16 am · Link
Why did the Catholics have to say this on tonight of all nights? When the powers of evil are exalted, and the Peoples of the Olden Ways shudder in a groan of morbid despair…
Party-poopers.
Docrailgun - November 1, 2009 | 3:38 am · Link
See? Mel Gibson’s friends are right… there hasn’t been a REAL Pope since before Vatican II. Ratzinger doesn’t even know his own feast days.
Hallowe’en IS the Christian holiday, fundies. Samhain is the pagan one, just because they’re around the same time doesn’t make them the same thing. Besides, astrological Samhain’s not for another week.
delk - November 1, 2009 | 5:50 am · Link
My standard reply: “That Priest’s dick wasn’t very big, just the right size for my teenage mouth.”
I’m thankful that I’m ok, considering I was repeatedly molested as a child, by Roman Catholic priests.
Glad they believe in hell, because that is where child molesters and their apologists belong.
gelfling545 - November 1, 2009 | 9:51 am · Link
Since Halloween probably would not have had the cultural import it now enjoys without the promotion of the RC Church (after co-opting it from folk religions), it might be wise for them to apply the soft pedal on this rhetoric. The RC Church WANTED people to feel fear, terror, etc. of devils, demons and all to establish and keep their control over the population. (Sure, all this is real and scary but WE can save you!) They used it to promote their message which bears as much resemblance to the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth as chalk does to cheese.
Shell - November 1, 2009 | 10:53 am · Link
Dear Mr. Pope,
Bullshit.
That is all.
aimai - November 1, 2009 | 10:54 am · Link
Hail gelfling545, the only person, other than myself, to have used the phrase “chalk to/from cheese” in an internet post.
aimai
professor fate - November 1, 2009 | 11:28 am · Link
“towards wholesomeness and beauty ”
And shoes don’t forget shoes.
BillCinSD - November 1, 2009 | 11:54 am · Link
“be aware of this and try to direct the meaning of the feast towards wholesomeness and beauty rather than terror, fear and death,”
who knew that original sin and pederasty were considered wholesome and beautiful
Bob In Pacifica - November 1, 2009 | 12:22 pm · Link
There are all these vampire movies out now. It just has no appeal to me.
But in order for the whole evil thing to have any power you have to believe in the holy thing. The holier than thous have to believe in evil in order to justify their belief in holy. They have to bifurcate everything. That’s why the holy rollers are always finding evil everywhere. It helps to justify what they think is holy.
In a sense, the Pope and his pals need Halloween in order to rail against it. If there’s no real evil in the world, if sexual orientation is just a matter of gene expression, for example, then there’s no sin in homosexuality.
If there’s no sin then who gives a shit about what the Pope thinks about anything?
Jon H - November 1, 2009 | 1:48 pm · Link
Parents should “be aware of this and try to direct the meaning of the feast towards wholesomeness and beauty rather than terror, fear and death,” said Father Canals, a member of a Spanish commission on church rites.
Father Canals might want to visit some Renaissance churches, to see the depictions of torment, and bodies rising at the 2nd coming.
Yeesh.
Porlock Junior - November 2, 2009 | 2:13 pm · Link
@Steph:
This is too spooky, even if Al-Owe’en is over. Just a couple of hours ago I passed through the preview of a fancy auction, not one I’m actually going to bid at, and I admired:
An 18th-century Italian marble carving, rendered with excellent accuracy, of a skull wearing a laurel wreath.
What will the Pope think of THAT?
As I looked, a passing member of the staff remarked that all we needed was Damien Hirst to decorate it with a couple of jewels. But I was more inclined, speaking of Latin, towards Et in Arcadia ego. Though I suppose that the sculptor’s thought goes well enough in the language of the poor crooked scythe and spade: The paths of glory lead but to the grave.