Robertdsc-iphone - October 31, 2009 | 7:14 pm · Link

Perhaps we should send Tunch to deal with the Blue Dogs & fuckup Senators.

Anne Laurie - October 31, 2009 | 7:16 pm · Link

Welcome home, John. Doesn’t it feel good to be needed?

jl - October 31, 2009 | 7:23 pm · Link

Glad Cole got back OK. Sorry to hear that Lily hadz a badz sadz.

As for the Tunchinator, did I not inquire about whether Cole provided informed consent to the Tuchsitters beforehand, or what?

Demo Woman - October 31, 2009 | 7:24 pm · Link

Pet sitters are going to be hard to find. I thought that Lily did pretty good at your parents house.

Beauzeaux - October 31, 2009 | 7:26 pm · Link

Doonhamer and I both need to know: how did Lily react when she saw you again?

General Winfield Stuck - October 31, 2009 | 7:29 pm · Link

Libby en scary.

Steeplejack - October 31, 2009 | 7:37 pm · Link

Ah, good times. You can’t buy memories like that.

Keith G - October 31, 2009 | 7:39 pm · Link

@beltane:

This. Always use a cat sitter. Always.

I do so admire Tunch. I wish he was a Democratic Senator.

kommrade reproductive vigor - October 31, 2009 | 7:43 pm · Link

The pets have figured out if they’re too obnoxious, no one will watch them and you’ll never leave them again.

John Cole. Prisoner of Love.

Warren Terra - October 31, 2009 | 7:47 pm · Link

“Bastard” you say? Surely a bastard is someone who doesn’t know who their daddy is, while you’re explicitly complaining about precisely the opposite case: that he’s too attached to his daddy.

gogol's wife - October 31, 2009 | 7:50 pm · Link

I’m reading The Brothers Karamazov for the 6000th time because I have to, but I find The Adventures of Lily and Tunch so much more enthralling.

AnneS - October 31, 2009 | 7:54 pm · Link

So I’ve been jonesing for the Tunchie for so long… chances of a pixture?

General Winfield Stuck - October 31, 2009 | 7:58 pm · Link

@Just Some Fuckhead:

I was thinking the same. I’ve left cats indoors for up to three days. You just need one of those gradual food dispensers, and some water, or the toilet lid up, cause if you leave three days worth, they will every last morsel the first hour your gone.

metalgirl - October 31, 2009 | 7:58 pm · Link

#22 Terri—do tell Maybe if I knew your secrets, I’d know how to get pet sitters for Suzie Q (my inherited pit-lab-maybe chow mix, rescue girl). If you’re a UPS truck, she looks like a pit bull. If you’re coming to visit, she will beat you with her wagging tail.

CaseyL - October 31, 2009 | 8:03 pm · Link

Priceless:

Tunch refused to use the litter boxes and in a fit of pique shit on her pumpkin table display.

This is so wonderful I laughed for a very very long time. It’s wonderful because, among other reasons, we really don’t know whether the Tunchdump was an emphatic denunciation of being taken from his home and forced to stay with strangers, or an equally emphatic comment on the hokeyness of pumpkin displays.

Also, I’m either very lucky or very wise, because it’s never occurred to me to do other than leave the cats at home and have someone drop in to look after them.

Terri - October 31, 2009 | 8:16 pm · Link

@metalgirl
Mostly a fridge full of food, alcohol, money, and some things it’s best I not post on the internet.

Anne Laurie - October 31, 2009 | 8:25 pm · Link

@Doonhamer:

If the reactions of my rescue greyhounds and rat terriers to my return from one of my frequent business trips are any sort of benchmark, we’re talking almost puppy critical mass and mushroom cloudspreading puddle on the carpet, possibly with splashes on the walls Lily just bounced off.

Fixt.

Skepticat - October 31, 2009 | 8:28 pm · Link

I see a nice gift in Tammy’s future—from Cole, not another from Tunch, that one was more than sufficient. I think pets definitely do better in their own surroundings, but it isn’t always easy to find the right person to help out with that. Or any person.

Fulcanelli - October 31, 2009 | 8:33 pm · Link

I’ve heard that pets can take on the vibe and disposition of their human companions, often reacting to stressful situations in very similar ways.

GReynoldsCT00 - October 31, 2009 | 8:37 pm · Link

I’m sorry your animals had such separation anxiety, but Tunch’s dump is just TOO funny…talk about a trick on Halloween

josefina - October 31, 2009 | 8:45 pm · Link

Did you give Tammy a kidney or what? Lily bites her face; Tunch shits on her table; she doesn’t tell you to fuck off with your fucked-up animals. She’s a rare treasure. Even if you have already given her a kidney, you should be first in line to donate should she need another.

• As others have suggested, get a cat-sitter for Tunch. Cats tend to be reassured by familiar places. He’ll spend 99.9% of the time he’s not eating on his beloved futon, so it’ll be almost like you’re there.

• Dogs tend to focus more on people; rescue dogs (like yours, like mine) often have serious separation issues. I could tell you what’s worked for me and my dog but that’s a little like Andrew Sullivan offering you relationship advice. And so—

• Find a good trainer, someone who pays attention to Lily’s temperament and yours. Ask your vet. Ask sane-seeming owners of sane-seeming dogs. Be prepared to go through a few duds before you find the right person. You need someone to help you, specifically, communicate with Lily, specifically. Just as there’s no uniformly successful child-educating method, there’s no uniformly successful dog-training method.

Irony Abounds - October 31, 2009 | 8:54 pm · Link

There have to be university students willing to housesit/petsit for you. That kills two birds with one stone: your house is safer and your pets happier. And Tammy doesn’t have cat shit on her pumpkin display. She must be a saint to take your animals.

mcd410x - October 31, 2009 | 8:56 pm · Link

Lol. That’s just great: Go Tunch.

John Cole - October 31, 2009 | 9:08 pm · Link

Camera is dead.

General Winfield Stuck - October 31, 2009 | 9:10 pm · Link

Camera is dead.

RIP

calipygian - October 31, 2009 | 9:18 pm · Link

@Keith G:

I do so admire Tunch. I wish he was a Democratic Senator.

He is. Tunch is Lieberman before he joined the Connecticut for Lieberman party.

Genine - October 31, 2009 | 9:38 pm · Link

Welcome home, John!

Tunch and Lily’s reactions are about what to be expected. I’m sure they’re glad you’re back. :-)

Doctor Cleveland - October 31, 2009 | 10:05 pm · Link

Tunch: overcome with iatropic excitement.

Cats, I’ve been told, to avoid the litterbox out of anger or pique. They start to have an anxious or fearful association with the litterbox, and think of it as an unsafe place.

Jennifer - October 31, 2009 | 10:08 pm · Link

I have an arrangement with the next door neighbors – when they’re gone, I feed their dogs; when I’m gone, they come by once a day to feed the kitty. She hides from them because she’s afraid of everyone but me, but for a cat with this type of temperament especially, being home is less stressful.

When I was in school, I had a cat with a much more outgoing personality. I had to leave him with mom & dad the summer I went to Europe – and they had two cats. So you can guess how much my spoiled single-cat was loving that arrangement.

First he peed on my mom’s slippers. Next he got up on the bathroom counter and peed on her hairbrush. It was personal. Finally, he got pissed off enough that he ran off. My parents spent the next 6 weeks looking for him; I knew exactly when it happened because they were weird on the phone. “Roscoe? Oh, he’s…fine.” Anyway, right before I came home, they finally did find him – he had been hanging out at some apartments a few blocks away and eating bugs. Once I came back, he didn’t do any more running away – he was just pissed because I was gone and he didn’t have the plush setup he had with me at school.

They can be very spiteful creatures.

Anne Laurie - October 31, 2009 | 10:29 pm · Link

@Delia:

I just don’t have a good solution for when I have to leave the dog. He hates the kennel and it’s expensive.

We have three rescue dogs, one in particular with severe separation anxiety. I’ve been happy to use Sydney’s neediness as an excuse not to accompany the Spousal Unit on cross-country visits to the inlaws.

Apart from finding a claustrophiliac spouse, the standard suggestion is to de-sensitize your guy by leaving him at the kennel for the day or overnight occasionally. Also expensive, but at least you’re not worried that the poor guy is going to injure himself from sheer anxiety when you do have to leave him “at camp” for a while…

NutellaonToast - October 31, 2009 | 10:44 pm · Link

DUMPKIN!

catclub - October 31, 2009 | 10:56 pm · Link

As long as Tunch does not napalm Cheltenham in a fit a of pique, I don’t see your problem.

Hookers and Cocaine - October 31, 2009 | 11:02 pm · Link

Too bad the Steelers have a bye, I look forward to seeing them lose next week, however. Hope the Cowboys run up the score on Seattle. There’s nothing better than taking advantage of the weak. I love that.

Jane2 - October 31, 2009 | 11:59 pm · Link

Best thing with cats is to leave them in their home so they can snarl at the caregiver who throws them food and scoops.

Stella Gorlin - November 1, 2009 | 10:44 am · Link

I’m not at all surprised to hear that they didn’t do so well! I agree with previous comments, you should leave Tunch at home and have someone come in to feed him and give him a little love every day or so. Lily is probably so imprinted on you now that she’s bound to have some separation anxiety. I’d try to nip it in the bud now with serious socialization work. Maybe get a dogwalker once a week or find some doggie day care to get her used to being away from you.

Barbara - November 1, 2009 | 11:13 am · Link

Lily’s reaction is probably normal. I adopted a beagle who had three previous owners by the time she got to me and she was needy in the same way. For a long time, anytime we went anywhere, however briefly, was interpreted as complete abandonment, and the howling and wailing would have been tragic if it weren’t so comical. When my other dog (her companion died), though, my neighbor told me that when we were gone and she was outside she spent hours crying like a child. They are deeply social animals but they don’t have long-term memory and they can’t interpret your plans.