Bathsheba smiles
The latest from Sanford cracked me up:
I have been doing a lot of soul searching on that front. What I find interesting is the story of David, and the way in which he fell mightily, he fell in very very significant ways. But then picked up the pieces and built from there.
TPM’s Zach Roth nails it:
As King of Israel and Judea, David saw Bathsheba in the bath (he was walking on the roof at the time, goes the story) and immediately had to have her. After getting her pregnant, he tried to conceal it by ordering her husband Uriah to return from war and sleep with Bathsheba, so that the baby would be thought of as Uriah’s.
But Uriah preferred to remain at war. So David gave an order that Uriah should be abandoned in battle, ensuring his death. Then he married Bathsheba.
When all this came out—thanks to an intrepid reporter from the Bethlehem-based State, who was tipped to emails exchanged between David and Bathsheba, then staked out David at the Jerusalem airport—David refused to resign as king of Judea. His presidential hopes also took a hit.
I was beginning to really sympathize with the guy, but Biblical self-references are a deal-breaker for me.
June 26, 2009 5:05 pm
Posted in: Humor, Republican Stupidity
75 Comments
75 Responses
Delia - June 26, 2009 | 5:09 pm · Link
I read the story of David. I know the story of David. And Governor Sanford, you’re no David.
Comrade Stuck - June 26, 2009 | 5:11 pm · Link
About the first things out of his mouth during his presser was bible based softening up the battlefield for his Bonsai charge into scandal. Any possible deal of compassion for me was shit-canned right then and there.
Colette - June 26, 2009 | 5:13 pm · Link
I’m no conspiracy theorist, but the parallel between that and the creepy C Street cult dude citing King David as a Biblical “good guy” despite his transgressions cannot be a coincidence.
Curt - June 26, 2009 | 5:13 pm · Link
As many others have said on previous threads, you know what would make me feel empathy for his humanity? If he himself would have a moment of empathy, where this all-too-human experience would bring him to acknowledge that many of the policies he championed had as their very point not acknowledging the humanity of others. And then repudiated those policies. That would be humanity on his part. Otherwise, it’s just self-pity, self-regard, and stuff like this.
Ian - June 26, 2009 | 5:14 pm · Link
Delia – bingo. For starters, David recognized thatheartfelt repentance comes between wrongdoing and redemption.
Also, this: by comparing himself to David, is Sanford confessing to the murder of his mistress’ husband? The plot thickens…
jl - June 26, 2009 | 5:16 pm · Link
It is OK because there was a ‘spark’ and Sanford was in Wuv. And vitter was diaper sex with a prostitute, and he got applauded by corrupt Senators. So, it is ‘all good’
When will Sanford and conservatives start detecting unfair persecution in this flap over mind-boggling malfeasance (governor being AWOL for five days with no transfer of power) and frank conversion of public funds to personal booty call (which he will pay back, now that he got caught red handed)?
And, I ask again, if this Sanford did not have to skip out on his family on the sly (which he didn’t), why did he bungle this so badly. All he had to do was cook up the cover of a corrupt money deal business trip, and no one would have noticed. IMHO.
Calouste - June 26, 2009 | 5:16 pm · Link
The Argentinian husband better decline invitations for business deals in South Carolina, you never know how far Mark “delusions of grandeur” Sanford will go in his quest for immitation of David.
Other people on TPM pointed out that David was heavily punished by God. The child he had with Betsheeba died and one of his other sons started a rebellion against him.
Oh, and God told David that he would never see the Temple build in his lifetime. I guess we can use the Temple as an allegory for Sanford’s presidential ambitions.
gwangung - June 26, 2009 | 5:17 pm · Link
Keep going, Sanford. Waste the measure of sympathy you won from that press conference….
Ann B. Nonymous - June 26, 2009 | 5:18 pm · Link
“Have you ever sat down and read this thing?”
More and more it seems to me that Christian dogwhistle is Bible-iness, like Colbert’s truthiness, when it’s not Gnostic crap on par with white supremacists signing off their e-mails with the mystic number 88.
Honestly, are they actually Satanists, or what? They have the sin of pride, that’s for sure. Just like Lucifer.
Laura W - June 26, 2009 | 5:19 pm · Link
I see nothing wrong with this.
Gandhi was good enough for Blagojevich.
DougJ - June 26, 2009 | 5:22 pm · Link
Well, I never felt sorry for him. Though I
don’tdo want to write about him at some point because I thought of a good post title for it.Mike S - June 26, 2009 | 5:23 pm · Link
The GOP is awesome at idiotic historical references. Take Sam the Liar for instance.
Ken - June 26, 2009 | 5:27 pm · Link
When I think of King David, the first person that comes to mind is Mark Sanford.. or is it the other way ‘round?
Mike S - June 26, 2009 | 5:27 pm · Link
Have I offended the Balloon-Juice Gods?
Laura W - June 26, 2009 | 5:28 pm · Link
@DougJ:
(Corrected that don’t for you into a do, assuming that’s what you meant.)
That’s exactly how I used to handle my newspaper wine column! I’d think of the most awesome clever title I could come up with, and then I’d just fluff the remaining 1,000 words around it.
Nellcote - June 26, 2009 | 5:28 pm · Link
#5 Ian: There’s speculation that it was the husband that leaked the emails to The State.
#6 jl: He wanted to get caught.
MazeDancer - June 26, 2009 | 5:29 pm · Link
Delia – Choking with laughter.
Maybe Sandford’s working on some new Psalms.
Got to say, I, too, had moments of appreciating the guy’s humanity, and pathetic attempts at being some kind of honest human being. Even while disliking everything about him and venomous politics. And, while agreeing he totally should have resigned with the first two words of his press conference, was still, saddened to see another human being have a complete crazy meltdown in public. But issueing a statement that’s basically “It’s good to be king”. Like, DougJ, now, not so much. Guess they shot him back up of Republican Hyprocrisy Juice: Hey, look, Larry Craig survived, and you were with a woman.
Jager - June 26, 2009 | 5:29 pm · Link
I wonder if the Governor tried the “King David” bullshit on his wife, yesterday during their private time together? I’d love to hear what Maria has to say about all this, my guess,
he didn’t break up with her during the trip to BA.
shelley matheis - June 26, 2009 | 5:30 pm · Link
Amen.
DougJ - June 26, 2009 | 5:31 pm · Link
That’s good journalism, my friend.
(And corrected the do don’t)
Zifnab - June 26, 2009 | 5:33 pm · Link
It does always make me laugh when someone committing a crime or moral malfeasance needs to run to the Bible to hide. Maybe that’s what makes the atheist so vulnerable. Am I supposed to excuse a future infidelity by reason of natural selection? Or, perhaps, defend stealing public funds for private enjoyment by illustrating all the benefits of a parasitic relationship? It just doesn’t have the same resounding defense as “What’s good enough for David, is good enough for me.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUtjuntaqwg
BDeevDad - June 26, 2009 | 5:39 pm · Link
I figured most politicians had narcissistic personalities, but damn.
El Cid - June 26, 2009 | 5:41 pm · Link
Yeah, big shit that the guy made a weird tearful confession—he was an ass before that and is an ass now, and I was never “beginning to really sympathize with the guy”.
He can start by resigning (first for being an incompetent right wing hack, second for fucking going AWOL on his executive responsibilities and not handing over authority to his 2nd in command, and third for being a hypocritical liar), and then by apologizing to Bill Clinton.
Fuck Sanford. Any liberals talking now about how somehow they feel something for that asshole fuck because he showed a god-damn ounce of human nature don’t actually feel anything toward Sanford, they just want to imply that they’re somehow better than more prurient liberals.
Jim - June 26, 2009 | 5:42 pm · Link
Re: the bible references-
Doug you know that Sandford is an extreme fundie, right? when he says stuff like that he’s speaking in code that only his fellow ‘believers’ (read NUTS) understand.
I’m tired of them all, but that’s just me.
DonkeyKong - June 26, 2009 | 5:44 pm · Link
Can we just get this asshole some nails and timber.
Jager - June 26, 2009 | 5:46 pm · Link
I remember trying to get my first wife to “understand my weaknesses” as we began the long, painful march to divorce. As I was pontificating, I looked up just in time to ward off a heavy, cut glass vase with my left arm. (still have the scar) I’m sure Jenny isn’t buying any of his bullshit, good Christian woman or not! And having had a rather stormy relationship with a Latina, Maria isn’t buying it either. I could have given him much better advice than he got from the “Family”, because he ain’t handling this worth a shit!
Calouste - June 26, 2009 | 5:48 pm · Link
@DonkeyKong:
I’ll settle for having him wander around in the desert for the next 40 years.
ricky - June 26, 2009 | 5:51 pm · Link
I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again. The Bible doesn’t mention it, but Bathsheba had some pretty snazzy tan lines.
Mike G - June 26, 2009 | 5:52 pm · Link
Republicans believe marriage is a sacred bond between a man and a woman and another woman in Argentina.
DonkeyKong - June 26, 2009 | 5:54 pm · Link
Was the burning bush an allegory or a condition?
Comrade Stuck - June 26, 2009 | 5:54 pm · Link
OT
There’s some pretty cool theatrics in the House on cspan leading up to the vote on the Climate control bill.
anonevent - June 26, 2009 | 5:55 pm · Link
Now the standard is that you haven’t failed Conservatism if you can find a matching story in the Bible. I must have misheard Sunday School as a kid. I thought I was taught that the stories were their to teach lessons.
Eric U. - June 26, 2009 | 5:56 pm · Link
@Jim: but what’s he saying? That the mistress’ husband should watch out? I see why fundamentalist Christianity is so popular with the republicans. The guys in the old Testament could do just about anything and get away with it. Notable exceptions being Aaron’s sons and anyone who got turned into a pillar of salt. In the New Testament, you had to leave your old life behind and give yourself up to Jesus, in the Old Testament, no such radical life changes were required.
someguy - June 26, 2009 | 5:57 pm · Link
scav - June 26, 2009 | 5:57 pm · Link
well, technically, if he’s really like David, doesn’t it logically follow that the best he can hope for in the Afterlife is Limbo? Or, am I confusing my Dante with my Harrowing of Hell, or, possibly even my Harrowing of Hello Kitty.
jeesh.
this guy.
When the almighty kills off any number of major pop figures just to wipe your swarmy name off the front pages, stop digging and don’t rent a bloody bull-dozer.
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse - June 26, 2009 | 5:58 pm · Link
Win.
Betsy - June 26, 2009 | 6:09 pm · Link
@Zifnab:
It makes me cry that there are PLENTY of pop-evo-psych people who do just that.
Frank - June 26, 2009 | 6:10 pm · Link
These folks have no self-awareness.
Not the least little bit.
The Grand Panjandrum - June 26, 2009 | 6:11 pm · Link
I read the title of this post and the only thing I came up with, through free association of course, was this. For some reason my mind never takes the direct route.
Dennis-SGMM - June 26, 2009 | 6:16 pm · Link
Dear friends, we need look no further than the Good Book to make sense of this. Does it not say in Zebediah 1.15 that some men are allowed to bang on women other than their wives like a gypsy banging on a tambourine? Sanford is clearly one of those men and because of his labors a race of horse-faced defectives will spring forth in Argentina, there to sell used cars whose transmissions have been infused with sawdust or non-existent time shares in Mar del Plata.
Elie - June 26, 2009 | 6:17 pm · Link
My guess is the Maria was playing him for his influence on winning her some more business and now that he is not going to be able to do it—will send him and his sorry a—ed biblical refererences packing..
He is without a doubt a four star narcissistic personality type. The tell is that he has no idea how ridiculous and pompous he sounds and therefore cannot censor his speech and as already noted, his behavior either.
He is accountable to no one—indulging his various conceits without empathy (another key telling trait for the narcissistic personality). That was why he could screw the poor people in his state without jobs of their unemployment per the stimulus and other hard core cost cutting measures. I bet his wife has some stories about him as well.
He really does NOT even notice that others exist, much less care about them or their pain. And no, he will never learn or gain that missing part of his core being. It was never developed and will not be developed this late in life. The only way that society protects itself from people with this aberration is to get them away from any position where they can exercise power over others.
I think that is about to happen in the very near future.
JD Rhoades - June 26, 2009 | 6:19 pm · Link
Dunno if I’d have used that analogy, Brother Mark. After all, David was forbidden by God to build the Temple after that…plus, David’s child by Bathsheba was struck down by God (which hardly seems fair, actually) and then another son, Absalom, revolted, raped David’s concubines in front of all Israel to show everyone who the Big Dog was, and ended up getting killed by David’s general Joab. Not what you’d call a happy ending, although I did kind of dig David’s last instructions to his heir Solomon, which were basically “go all Michael Corleone on my enemies.” I’m paraphrasing, of course.
KG - June 26, 2009 | 6:25 pm · Link
@42: no, no, I’m pretty sure “go all Michael Corleone on my enemies” is the last verse of the Book of David.
MikeJ - June 26, 2009 | 6:29 pm · Link
Shimei son of Gera sleeps with the fishes.
Steve S. - June 26, 2009 | 6:30 pm · Link
Since Gov. Sanford is fond of references to God’s Law, allow me to quote from Leviticus 20:10; “If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.”
Jay Severin Has A Small Pen1s - June 26, 2009 | 6:32 pm · Link
Sounds like David hated the troops. Why does Sanford hate the troops? Was Basheba from South America?
demo woman - June 26, 2009 | 6:32 pm · Link
@Mike S: The problem was with the word so ci a l ism because of the c i a l i s in the middle.
@Jager: He returned early from his break up trip. Since he originally planned on staying ten days, he didn’t have time to break up. What I found interesting was that he seemed to be visiting around the time their first sparkling encounter. Seems like it was an anniversary trip.
Dennis-SGMM - June 26, 2009 | 6:32 pm · Link
@KG:
Your lack of references to smiting makes this theologian suspicious.
kay - June 26, 2009 | 6:36 pm · Link
I think it’s great how he has shamelessly used references to his children twice, now.
He’s a real prince.
I don’t think it’s fair that this delusional creep is using them for political cover. Maybe one or another responsible adult can get him to stop that.
Joe Max - June 26, 2009 | 6:38 pm · Link
IOKIYR all over again.
Spitzer resigned within days. Yes, Spitzer broke the law. But apparently so did Sanford. Adultery is still against the law in South Carolina. And also in Argentina. So they both broke “vice” laws in their respective states. (And vice laws in the places where the acts took place.)
Sanford called for the impeachment of Clinton because he was a bad moral example and he broke the law. But Clinton was a Democrat, which makes all the difference.
kay - June 26, 2009 | 6:45 pm · Link
@Joe Max:
The parsing on this has gotten ridiculous. David Brooks drew a distinction because Sanford loves his mistress, and presumably Bill Clinton did not.
Republicans should just drop this charade and admit the Clinton fiasco was an attempt to remove a democratically elected President.
They launched a failed coup. That’s what happened. Let’s just drop the nonsense on that.
georgia pig - June 26, 2009 | 6:45 pm · Link
Calling John Cole, your sympathy has been found assraped and left for dead in an alley down by skid row. You knew this was coming, it’s simple probability. Narcissistic assholes are likely to remain narcissitic assholes. See Gringrich, Newt.
Bill E Pilgrim - June 26, 2009 | 6:46 pm · Link
Oy.
And on the first day hearing the governor’s tears, the populace assembleth hath forgiven his transgressions, but hearing him on the second day thus charecterizeth himself as king of kings, the populace hath told unto him “Go thee, be fruitful and multiply”. But not using those words.
Notorious P.A.T. - June 26, 2009 | 6:46 pm · Link
@Steve S.:
Hahaha )
slip - June 26, 2009 | 6:49 pm · Link
I’m picturing Sanford reading Psalm 38 over and over and over and over…
Bokonon - June 26, 2009 | 6:50 pm · Link
This sounds narcissistic, for sure. And laughable.
But compare this with Senator Vitter’s non-apology … in which a pro-forma acknowledgement of wrongdoing was immediately coupled with immediate attacks on the liberal media that exposed his illegal whoremongering. And then Vitter’s seething wife chimed in, and chalked the whole thing up to Democrats and commie conspiracies.
And together, the confessing husband and avenging wife turned the whole thing around, and made it into an issue of partisanship … and the GOP circled the wagons, and defended Vitter, and invited the SOB back into the fold. Vitter may be an SOB, after all, but at least he is THEIR SOB.
So – maybe that’s what Sanford is trying to do here, in a more subtle way. It is from the same playbook. Sanford has now apologized (at least to his constituents and to “people of faith”). With that inconvenience out of the way, Sanford is now sending out a dog whistle to the faithful, and telling them that while he fouled up, he is still their guy. And if they just forgive him, and let him stay in office, Sanford is saying that he will be a leader for them (and reward them well for their support – just like Vitter has done).
Bottom line – forget how stupid this sounds to someone who is not part of the Religious Right. Think how it will sound to them. Because this gross statement is a form of code, and it isn’t intended for the rest of us.
PurpleGirl - June 26, 2009 | 6:51 pm · Link
Steve S. Don’t you know that there are times and situations which are not appropriate to read the Bible in a literal manner… this is one of them.
{meant as snark}
scav - June 26, 2009 | 6:54 pm · Link
@Bokonon: Your point being? Everything’s hunky dory so long as it’s a dog whistle? (Sorry to those with acute canine hearing.)
patrick - June 26, 2009 | 6:56 pm · Link
Here what you gotta understand about people of Sanford’s theological stripe.
Verily, they believe that actions are unimportant, what is important is belief.
It’s an abortion of the Pauline school of theology – that belief trumps everything, as opposed to the James school that a persons true belief is revealed by his actions.
The True Believers surety is that they can act any way they want and get forgiven afterwards, because it isn’t what they do that is important, but what they believe.
Never forget that when you encounter a True Believer. They’ll do any vile thing they want, and count on getting forgiven afterwards.
It’s the Faith vs. Works debate, and it’s as old as Christianity itself.
Sanford, clearly, is in the Faith Alone camp.
Tithonia - June 26, 2009 | 6:58 pm · Link
Also, if I remember correctly, King David was not an elected official.
Bill E Pilgrim - June 26, 2009 | 7:03 pm · Link
@patrick: Bingo.
It’s similar to what J. Krishnamurti said about the culture he was from in India, the belief in the afterlife can be used as way of perpetually putting off being moral or awake in this one.
It’s faith or God as the perfect floating signifier, meaning any goddamn fantasy and excuse you want it to, basically.
Delia - June 26, 2009 | 7:06 pm · Link
@patrick:
You forgot one important qualifier. Salvation By Faith Alone only applies to Republicans. I think St. Paul inadvertently left that bit out.
BC, a bible-reader - June 26, 2009 | 7:13 pm · Link
Gov. Sanford does not know the story of David.
Nathan the prophet told David the story of someone who had done something similar to David. [In our context, think Clinton, Livingston, etc.] David said, “The man who did that deserves to die.”
Nathan said, “YOU are the man.”
Until Sanford comes to a full [Psalm 51] awareness that everything he said in the past applies to himself now, he doesn’t know David.
Mokichi - June 26, 2009 | 7:14 pm · Link
Shout-out to Richard Thompson in the title?
DougJ - June 26, 2009 | 7:22 pm · Link
Thanks.
CynDee - June 26, 2009 | 7:24 pm · Link
Mark, Mark—you are so full of yourself! What about the “pieces” of other people’s lives? Just left them scattered around, no problem?
What other people (there are other people besides you) find interesting is the story of Mark maybe searching his soul MIGHTILY before hanging a whole state and its people and his own staff and family out to dry. Not one person in a million in this whole country decides to not show up for work, not tell those who have to pick up after him, and expects to keep his job.
Now your homework:
1. Make a public apology to Bill Clinton.
2. Write “Other people are just as important as I am” 1000 times and read it back to your staff.
iluvsummr - June 26, 2009 | 7:35 pm · Link
Hmm. Seems to me he’s laying the groundwork for Maria’s husband’s murder defense (“hey, Sanford announced to the whole world that he was going to do a Uriah on me, so I had to act quick”).
I think Sanford should expand his reading material to include “Chronicle of a Death Foretold” and thank his lucky stars that times have changed.
SiubhanDuinne - June 26, 2009 | 8:02 pm · Link
From the time this story broke, I never once thought of King David. I thought of the Alec Guinness character in “The Captain’s Paradise.”
Barbara - June 26, 2009 | 8:22 pm · Link
And to think I felt a modicum of empathy for this guy. I don’t recall Mark Sanford killing any giants with slingshots lately. To say King David picked up the pieces is to ignore that God punished him by killing the baby he conceived with Bathsheba in an agonizing way, and creating murderous chaos among his sons. Ugh.
Josh - June 26, 2009 | 11:03 pm · Link
Who among us has not been in a situation where your faith was strong, but you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya?
pseudonymous in nc - June 27, 2009 | 1:37 am · Link
But Jenny Sanford appears to be the brains in the political outfit, and she seems about ready to hang her husband out to dry.
Oh, fun. So, you’ve got a good ol’boy state GOP legislative caucus that hates him, and a wife who’s going to make him hike the entire Appalachian Trail buck-naked with honey on his dick before she forgives him. He’s mustard-sauced political barbecue.
And yes, the Richard Thompson nod is perfect.
cassius chaerea - June 27, 2009 | 8:36 am · Link
Uriah has been identified. He’s Maria’s other boyfriend:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06.....38;emc=rss
Svensker - June 27, 2009 | 10:14 am · Link
So is Maria air-kissing her victims, twice?
parksideq - June 27, 2009 | 11:41 am · Link
@BC, a bible-reader:
Thank you for filling in the most important part of the David/Bathsheba saga. Sanford’s omission of this detail is just another twisted way the right cherry-picks and distorts the Bible to suit whatever ends they need to justify for the moment. Except this time, he’s cherry-picking a cherry-picked story.
Marshall - June 27, 2009 | 3:16 pm · Link
Let me know when one of his sons kills his first-born and is then killed himself by the SC Highway Patrol after an epic freeway chase.
If I was Sanford, I would be careful wishing for Old Testament punishments.